Growing up I was a bit stubborn and often rebellious. These two character flaws of mine attracted the wrong crowd. People who usually got me into more trouble than I bargained for yet all that changed after some unforgettable words from dad.
My parents weren’t really involved with school activities and I can count the number of open days as well as parent teacher association (PTA) meetings they attended in one hand. So you can imagine how they felt when my teacher asked them to specifically come for an open day.
Only my mum went but her protracted discussion with my form tutor didn’t portray me in a good light at all. When I asked what their discussion was about she said, “you have misplaced priorities”. Looking back my mum was right but back then, I felt what was more important than being cool and having “rep” (bad boy reputation).
When we got home she made my dad have a word with me. This is what he said to me: “Youth is so deceptive, at your age you want to be ‘real cool’ and admired by both the guys and especially the girls. You also want to belong to the ‘Happening group’ – That group who everyone notices.
You have to watch that your ‘cool’ is not negative cool and that you are not part of a group that will derail your future. Rather than strive to be ‘cool’ and “belong” be someone who is admired for being proper and well behaved.
Trust me, you will attract friends of similar ilk if you do this and you will discover that you are seen as ‘cool’ and ‘correct’ for the right reasons. This way you will be in good company – with those with the right values and you will positively influence one another. Go an reflect on what I have said”
Subsequently, I gradually cut off from people who had no edifying influence on my life and can say I have been better off for it.
In essence, we should not aim to belong to a group for the wrong reasons. We should be critical and appraise the company we keep. Do they have a positive or negative influence on you and vice versa?
Charged with positive energy, we can achieve our aspirations. That, my dad knew all along.
Advice Papa Gave Me written by: Chukwuemeka Anyiam-Osigwe