Dear Dorothy,
Since I discovered that my husband had an affair with a first cousin of mine, I have been in such an emotional turmoil. My emotions and thoughts are all over the place – from one extreme to another, including feeling disgust when thinking he was intimate with me at the same time he was involved with my cousin. And for this, I cannot let him touch me anymore.
My husband has told me that he’s ended the affair, and is making every effort to convince me that he still loves me and wants to be with me. He is now acting as I would want him to act, and I believe he is honest. However, I am plagued with the thought that “once a stray dog, always a stray dog” – if you did it once and your partner forgives what stops you from doing it again. I don’t know how I can prevent similar incidents in the future.
I want to give our marriage a chance, but I am not sure I can bring myself to sleep with him without thinking of him being with the other woman. And if and when I forgive and we start to move forward, I know that I will still have this anger which will come out from time to time and I will bring this up with him. It is just so difficult. Please advise.
My dear,
This question is, if he loves you so much, why did he cheat on you? Is it that he does not have the strength to control his sexual urges and stay faithful to his marriage vows? If this is the case, he doesn’t deserve your trust. He broke his vows.
On the other hand, can you bring yourself to forgive him and you both work at rebuilding the trust between you? It is really your call if you wish to remain in your marriage. Most people try to forgive, but they always carry a tinge of resentment and the painful memory that their mate betrayed them with another woman. As you said, this anger may come out from time and time, and you’ll often wonder if he will do it yet again. If you decide to forgive and work at keeping your marriage, you will have to overcome all of these insecure feelings.
- Can he handle the challenge of rebuilding your trust?
- Is the marriage solid and good in every other aspect?
- Simply put, is the marriage really worth saving?
If your answers are “yes” to these three questions, then go ahead and give your marriage a chance. Good luck.