Dear Dorothy,
My husband and I have been married for about 18 years, and we have 3 kids together – two boys and a girl. We are both working professionals, he is a banker and I run a successful law firm. We live in a detached house in one the upscale areas of Lagos which we have rented for a number of years. We pool our resources together to run joint family expenses – family upkeep, rent, school fees, etc. I thought we were a relatively happy, loving couple, living a pretty decent life and being thankful for our blessings. Little did I know I was living in a fool’s paradise.
A few months ago, my husband told me that his mother was not feeling well and that he needed about eight hundred thousand naira for her medical expenses. He asked me if I could help him with about four hundred thousand naira. Knowing how he is close to his mother and cares about her, I did not hesitate in giving him the money. You can imagine my shock when I was sorting his clothes when doing laundry and came across a receipt for the rent of an apartment costing nine hundred thousand naira. My husband had never told me of any need to rent an apartment. I did not confront him with the receipt, but my suspicions were raised. I snooped around and it did not take me too long to discover that the apartment is for a girl he is dating.
Dorothy, my idyllic world is in shambles. I don’t know how to handle this. I thought that my husband and I were so much in love with each other and only had eyes for one another. How wrong was I?! I am an emotional wreck. I find myself crying all the time, and my work is beginning to suffer. My husband has noticed my mood and has been asking me what the matter is? Dorothy how do I go about handling this matter? I am totally confused. I need your advice.
My dear,
What can I say? Your husband is really one heck of a guy. What you need now is not tears or turning yourself into an emotional wreck on account of someone else’s actions. You’ve got to be strong, and think with your head and not your heart. You need to pull yourself together and consider what practical steps you have to take for your own sake and that of your children. No woman should ever kill herself for a man, it’s never worth it. And vice versa.
In terms of what you should do, the advice I have to give is simple but hard to follow. You need to let this husband of yours go, in my humble opinion. Not because you want to do this, but because he clearly no longer wants to be with you. For your husband to rent an apartment for his mistress means that he wants to be in a steady relationship with her. Are you inclined to live in a polygamous relationship, sharing your man with another woman?
To begin with, I advise you have a candid talk with him. Let your husband know that you know about his betrayal, and though you are hurting, try to part ways with your husband as harmoniously as possible for the sake of your children. Use this talk as the beginning of a clean and cordial end to the relationship.
Take steps to start rebuilding your life for your sanity and well-being. It will not be easy, but things do get better with time. Good luck.