A healthy relationship presupposes that:
- Both individuals support each other, sharing the good times and helping or supporting each other through the bad times.
- Both individuals matter deeply to each other.
- Feelings of trust and respect are reciprocal.
- Both partners feel good about each other and themselves.
- The partners are commited to making the relationship work and they feel that the effort is worthwhile because they are in a good relationship.
Where these ingredients abide, it enables the persons in the relationship to face the world with confidence.
However not all relationships are healthy as much we might want them to be. When there is violence, the relationship can become really destructive which can make it both physically and emotionally dangerous.
Abuse can be:
- Physical – Slapping, hitting, boxing and kicking are forms of physical abuse that can occur in relationships.
- Emotional – Threats, intimidation, putdowns, wicked teasing, bullying, humiliation and betrayal are all harmful forms of emotional abuse that can really hurt not just during the time they are taking place but long after they have occurred.
- Sexual – Unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent.
It is important to note that abusive individuals:
- Are often very dependent on their partners for their sense of self-esteem.
- Sometimes expect their partners to take care of day-to-day tasks, which most adults handle for themselves.
- Often feel powerless in the larger world.
- May have the relationship as the only place where they feel a sense of power.
- Attack their partner’s abilities or sense of self-worth as a way to maintain a sense of power, esteem and control.
- At a deep emotional level, often feel that they are not good enough and fear abandonment.
- May think that by keeping their partners in a fearful or dependent state, they ensure that their partners will not leave them.
Anyone in an abusive relationship should take adequate steps to keep themselves safe physically and emotionally. It is not unknown that the abused person is quick to make excuses for the abuser. If you suspect that you are dealing with an abusive partner, it is important:
- To confide in a person or persons you trust to confirm what you are dealing with.
- To surf the net and read about what constitutes a healthy and unhealthy relationship.
- To not allow your abuser isolate you. Maintain outside relationships and socialise often.
- To identify a safe place, you can go to in an emergency if your partner becomes threatening or violent.
- To seek professional counselling or talk to persons you trust to help if you are finding it hard to break away.
- To begin to develop a support system, so that if you choose to leave the relationship, you will not be alone.
Abuse is the opposite of love. Abuse and violence are not acceptable in any kind of relationship. If you are in a relationship where you feel insecure, inadequate and useless then it may be time to escape the abusive relationship if nothing changes. Seek help and leave the relationship, and begin to make a new life for yourself.