Marriage is the formal union of a man and a woman, which is meant to last, as long as both partners are alive. Marriage is not just a social contract, the result of society’s pressure to conform. Marriage is a long-standing institution and has existed in every culture, every era, and every religion. Thus, it can be said that marriage has existed from the very beginning of human existence. Anthropologically, it can be shown that marriage is original, universal, and natural.
The Biblical account of the institution of marriage is the story of Adam and Eve. When God created Adam, He declared, “It is not good for man to be alone.” He then created Eve from Adam’s rib and brought her to him with the words: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:24-25. God referred to Eve as “wife.” This union had all of the elements of a covenant. There was a ceremony, a witness, and a celebration. The Biblical account advocates that the union of marriage is both natural and original; and it is part of God’s design and plan for humans.
Sociological studies into marriage have shown that it produces quite different and definite social and health outcomes to the alternatives of being single, living together without the benefit of marriage, or being divorced.
A study by University of Chicago Professor Linda J. Waite, and Maggie Gallagher, The Case For Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially (2000) came up with the following findings with respect the marriage institution:
- Less domestic violence
- Longer life spans
- Physically healthier children
- Increased earning capacity
- Improved wealth accumulation
- Decreased likelihood of relationship cheating,
- Mentally healthier, happier, stronger parent-child bonds, and
- A more fulfilling sex life.
These are measurable benefits to those who are married, compared to those who are living together without the benefit of marriage or are divorced.
Marriage is not only the union of a man and a woman for life; it is also premised on the fact that it is to the exclusion of all others. This means that marriage is meant to be monogamous, and not polygamous or adulterous. Marriage is therefore the commitment of a man and woman in an exclusive way. It is not like other commitments. It enables certain benefits to be enjoyed that other forms of relationships cannot engender. This includes:
- Great sexual fulfillment.
- Deep psychological, emotional and spiritual connection.
- Fulfillment of certain inner cravings for meaning and purpose that other relationship statuses, such as living together without the benefit of marriage or casual sexual activity, are unable to bring about.
That said, it should be noted that marriage is not just the formal union of a man and a woman for life to the exclusion of all others, it is also a covenant (an agreement). This covenant (agreement) is the highest commitment that two people can make to each other. It involves a ceremony, witnesses, and a celebration.
COVENANT CONSTITUENT 1, THE CEREMONY
In our culture, when a couple agrees to marry, they go ahead to make their intentions known to their respective families. Once both families agree to the union, the traditional marriage ceremony takes place. This forms a commitment to live together as man and wife.
The couple may then go on to solemnize their commitment in a religious ceremony by holding a wedding where formal vows are exchanged. These vows are pledges of lifelong love, devotion and faithfulness to each other, officiated by a minister of the religion who serves to call upon God’s grace on the couple. In most modern wedding vows, couples vow to “honour” each other. Most marriages will stand the test of time if couples simply keep this vow to honour each other!
COVENANT CONSTITUENT 2, WITNESSES
The invited guests to the wedding ceremony witness the agreement or covenant between the couple. These witnesses are not just mere spectators to the wedding; they declare formally and legally to society what this couple has done, i.e. taken a vow to be with each other for life. It is also incumbent on the witnesses to support the couple’s commitment to each other, and help to guide them around the influences, which seek to undermine their marriage.
COVENANT CONSTITUENT 3, THE CELEBRATION
After the wedding ceremony is performed, there is a two-stage celebration.
The first stage is a feast where the couple and the guests celebrate the wedding covenant eating a meal, drinking and dancing together. Eating is at the heart of fellowshipping with others. This merry making is an acknowledgement by the witnesses to the wedding that they now recognise these two people as a covenant couple.
“Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4.
The second stage involves the consummation of the marriage through the act of sexual union. Sex is not merely physical act. It is a sacred activity. It engages a husband and wife physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Sexual activity has the potential to cause immense psychological damage. This psychological damage is easily recognised in rape victims, and in children who have been victims of sexual molestation. However, we tend to overlook the psychological harm caused by “casual” sexual activity. Sexual union is the highest form of physical love between a man and woman; and it is through this union that children are conceived, fulfilling God mandate to increase and multiply. Sexual union should therefore require the highest commitment between a man and a woman.
Marriage is God’s gift to humankind. Thus marriage is sacred and not to be toyed with by attempting to get around it through casual sexual relationships or living together without the blessing of marriage.
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