LAUGH QUOTE
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What can you never eat for breakfast?
WISE GUY: Lunch and dinner.
TEACHER AND STUDENT
Lion and a Teacher
Teacher: If a lion is chasing you, what would you do?
Student: I’d climb a tree.
Teacher: if the lion climbs a tree?
Student: I will jump in the lake and swim.
Teacher: if the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you?
Student: Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion’s?
DATING JOKE
EMERGENCY CALL
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, what is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what’s your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
BUSINESS JOKE
SMART KID
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
CUTTING COMMENT
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”
Drew Carey
MARRIED LIFE
YOUR RELATIONS
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
“Relatives of yours?”
“Yep,” the wife replied, “in-laws.”