HOLY HUMOUR.
The new and improved lite church
Does it seem to you that churches these days just expect too much from their congregation? Well before you remember that Jesus told us to pick up our cross and follow Him daily, read the following announcement.
Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Living God.
- Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches.
- We are the home of the 7.5% tithe.
- We promise 40-minute worship services, with 10-minute sermons.
- Next Sunday’s exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 3,000.
- We have only 8 Commandments — You choose which ones apply each week.
- We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings
- We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted of course or use our easy payment plan.
Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Living God could be just what you are looking for. We are everything you want in a church… and less!
THE SUNDAY JOKE
PROFESSIONAL
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn’t know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, “You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door.”
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”
So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, “This is what you sent to help me?” But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful.
The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, “Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”
He said, “Sure”. He walked over to the car, and immediately the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, “Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man.”
The man replied, “Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour.”
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, “Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”