LAUGH QUOTE
Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your songs. When I’m driving, it scares the crap out of me.
WISE GUYS ANSWER TO STUPID QUESTION
QUESTION: What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
WISE GUY: Postpaid, pre-paid, unlimited.
TEACHER – STUDENT
The first of September
The first of September, first lesson.
Teacher: Please sit quietly, if you want to ask something – raise your hand.
Peter immediately raises his hand.
Teacher – You want to ask something?
Peter – No. Just checking how the system works.
DATING JOKE
OUT OF SIGHT
He: I think I could make you very happy?
She: Why? Are you leaving?
BUSINESS JOKE
DECOY
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, “Tonight, I’m the ‘Designated Decoy.’ ”
CUTTING COMMENT
“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce
MARRIED LIFE
HOME IMPROVEMENT
A young woman stomped into a bank and demanded to see the manager. “I want a loan,” she told him angrily. “I’m going to get a divorce.” “Oh, we don’t give money for a divorce,” the manager explained. “We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements …” “Well this is a home improvement,” the woman shouted.