by Charles O. Anyiam-Osigwe
Is your marriage experiencing some difficulties? You’re not alone. There’s a big category of couples that can desperately use some advice on ways to keep their marriage happy and going strong.
The divorce rate in Nigeria is on the rise. It is not strange to hear of two-year-old marriages or less breaking up. How did our own parents keep it together while the present generation cannot? Is it to do with the age we live in? Is it that we are less tolerant and accommodating of each other’s shortcomings? Whatever it is, it does not bode well for our relationships and long-term physical and spiritual wellbeing. It is a known fact that happily married couples both male and female live longer than their single male or female counterparts.
One of the things putting a strain on marriages is that most couples work full-time. Most working wives find it stressful to take care of the house, the kids and their husbands not to talk of making sure they are on top of their game at work. Most African husbands do not lift a finger to help their wives on the domestic front. This builds a feeling of resentment on the part of the woman, which on the long run may build a desire for separation. Couples must therefore find a way to help each other and bring the love and fun back into their lives. This is vital for a healthy and happy marriage. So why are so many couples not making time for fun? Between work, house chores and the children, you ask, where is there time?
Sure, once couples get married, they focus on the needs of their children, work, and chores that need to be done. So how do you find time for fun and eliminate harmful stress to your marriage? It’s easier than you think.
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MARRIAGE IS NOT A GAME, HOWEVER IT HELPS WHEN COUPLES REMEMBER AND ENACT THE FUN AND GAMES OF COURTSHIP DAYS. Keep fun alive. Think about the entire fun activities you did together, before marriage and the kids. Now that you have thought about them re-enact them as often as possible. This helps keep your love life active and prevents you from taking each other for granted.
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MARRIAGE IS NO PICNIC HOWEVER IT HELPS IF YOU CAN FIND THE TIME TO GO OUT FOR PICNICS AND OTHER OUTINGS NOW AND AGAIN. Get outside and take in the fun. No doubt change of scene helps to refresh the body and soul. Find time to go out to parties, other social functions, walks, jogging, etc. Do not let your love life go stale by “all work and no recreation.” In my own experience, I have always found that an afternoon or evening out and about with my wife refreshes us, makes us light-headed, more loving and affectionate towards one another even after 30 years together.
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MARRIAGE IS NO JOKE – HOWEVER LOVE GROWS WHERE THERE IS FUN AND LAUGHTER. Laugh a Lot. Laughter really is the best medicine when you’re feeling stressed. Laughter, studies prove, is also contagious, and who doesn’t want to laugh? If you and your partner are laughing, then you are having fun. You can learn to laugh more by watching your favourite TV sitcoms together, especially the ones with the canned laughter. After all, laughter is contagious.
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MARRIAGE IS NOT TOUCH-AND-GO. REGULAR PHYSICAL CONTACT KEEPS LOVE ALIVE. Get physical and have more fun. Moving your body around by going for a walk or challenging your partner to a friendly game of badminton, etc. is the best defence against stress. Why? Because our muscles become stiff and tight from stress and overwork. When muscles are stiff, it’s much harder to relax. So, partaking in a fun kind of activity that involves moving around will help relax the body. By being more relaxed, you will find it easier to laugh and hence, you will enjoy yourself more.
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MARRIAGE IS NOT SOLO EFFORT. Take care of each other. Start by being aware of each other’s needs. In a stressful world, you and your partner need to show that you care about each other. A simple gesture, e.g. smiling while pouring him a cup of coffee will encourage him to smile back. Reaching out and holding each other’s hand in private or public can be relaxing.
Marriage, as it is commonly said, is to be enjoyed and not to be endured. Now that you are in it, make the best out of it!
Image: Madamenoire.com