Sexual compatibility is one vital part of a successful relationship but we tend to shy away from it. Religious institutions, schools, homes would want to ‘hush’ the topic treating it as a taboo. It is generally acceptable to shun premarital sex based on these institutions, which is ideal.
So what is sexual compatibility? What it really comes down to is how well your individual beliefs, needs, and desires around sexual activities meet. This could be to what extent you share the same definition of sex, frequency and duration of the desired sex, preferred “environment” for sex, what your turn-ons and turn-offs are, and your relationship orientation. The more similarities you have in your answers to those things, the more sexually compatible you are.
These are 5 ways to tell you are sexually compatible with your partner without having sex:
1. Willingness to keep sex life interesting, romantic and intimate
There is a strange misconception (perhaps created by Hollywood movies) that when you find the “right person”, sex will be effortlessly passionate and multi-orgasmic. This assumption leaves us, mere mortals, feeling like there’s something seriously wrong with us and/or our relationship when there aren’t fireworks and squirting instantly happening. The truth is that sexually compatible couples know they’ll have to work on creating a sizzling sex life. What this means is that they accept their incompatibilities too; the times when there’s an awkward moment or embarrassing bodily function doesn’t phase them and make them think their relationship is doomed forever.
2. Create conversation on sex on what it means to you and what you want to get out of it
Communication is a necessary part of any healthy relationship, but it’s especially important when it comes to sex. Once you start dating someone new, create an ongoing conversation about what sex means to you and what you get out of it. Then see how much your answers match up. There are some things that are easier to compromise on than others but if you have completely different ideas about what you get out of sex, or when you’re most aroused, it could be a sign that you’re not super compatible.
3. You have similar sex drives
Sex drives are more complicated than we like to think, and can be affected by everything from diet and stress at work, to what time of day either of you tend to be in the mood, or even who is initiating. Differences in sex drive can be worked through if they don’t vary too widely (if one of you wants it all night long every night and the other is satisfied with a quickie once a week, you’re unlikely to make it work). Talk about your expectations and what affects your sex drives.
4. You find the same things hot
In the early days of dating, there are a couple of delightful little signs to look out for that could give you some clues about your sexual compatibility, such as: You’re on the same page with PDA (public displays of affection). If you LOVE a public hand hold/hug/leg touch/face stroke, and your date clearly hates it, that could be a sign you’re not on the same page sexually (and could lead to some serious frustration if it’s a big deal for one or both of you). You both like (or dislike) flirty/sexy texting. If they are all about the sexting and you get turned-on by it too, great! But if they respond to your flirty text with a mundane clanger that ruins the mood, you might not be sexually compatible. You find the same movie scenes/songs/podcasts hot. A shared look, a nervous giggle, an eyebrow raise. If the same content gets you both a little flushed, it’s nothing but a good sign.
5. You both like the idea of monogamy
While monogamy has been the assumed default model for relationships for eons, people often forget it’s an important discussion to have with a partner. Be aware that your and your partner’s needs and desires could change over time, so keep an open mind and be curious about what’s on (and off) the table.