Dear Dorothy,
As the year winds down, I cannot shake the feeling that I have failed. I look at my life and all I see are plans that did not work out, goals I did not meet, and people who seem far ahead of me. Social media makes it worse. Everyone appears to be winning while I am stuck in the same place. I try to be grateful, but deep down I feel like a loser ending the year with nothing to show for it. How do I stop feeling this way?
-Felicia
Dear Felicia,
First, let me tell you something important. Feeling like this at the end of the year does not make you a loser. It makes you human.
December has a way of turning life into a scoreboard. We start counting achievements, comparing timelines, and measuring ourselves against other people’s highlights. When the numbers do not add up the way we hoped, shame creeps in quietly and convinces us that we are behind or broken. That voice is loud, but it is not telling the truth.
You are judging yourself by outcomes alone, not by effort, resilience, or survival. Did you get up on days when you wanted to give up? Did you keep going even when things were unclear? Did you learn something painful, uncomfortable, or unexpected? Those things count, even if they do not fit neatly into end of year captions.
Social media is not a fair mirror. It reflects curated success, not full lives. You are comparing your private struggles with someone else’s edited moments. That comparison will always leave you feeling small, no matter how well you are actually doing.
Try this instead. Write down three things this year taught you, not three things you achieved. Growth often happens quietly. Sometimes the win is realising what no longer works for you. Sometimes it is staying afloat during a difficult season. Sometimes it is choosing rest when pushing harder would have broken you.
It may also help to release the idea that every year must end in triumph. Some years are for building, healing, or simply enduring. Those years do not look impressive, but they are often the ones that prepare you for what comes next.
As the year ends, be gentle with yourself. You are not running out of time. You are not late to your life. You are still becoming.
You do not need a dramatic turnaround before 31 December to prove your worth. Showing up, breathing, and hoping for better days is enough for now.
And remember this. A loser gives up completely. You are still here, still reflecting, still wanting more for yourself. That alone tells me you are doing better than you think.
Take care,
Dorothy