Being a mum to two very intelligent growing teenagers, my worries and fears on how well they will turn out often makes me wonder if I match up to my responsibility as their caregiver and mother. In my daily meditations, I constantly ask God to help make them good children.
So, what about me? God has given me the opportunity to be their mother, but how much help have and do I give? Am I quick to curse out instead of correcting? Am I quick to threaten them instead of teaching them that every action has its consequences? Why are my worries centred on how best they should walk, speak, eat, look and even behave? Aren’t my expectations limiting them from being who God made them be – for greatness and wonders? In my bid to control their lives, have I lost sight of what is most important? Am I camouflaging behind my fears of failure and incompetence to blame them of being bad children when, in fact, the reverse is the case?
Here’s what I think: today’s children are citizens of a global village; they have more affiliates around the world than with their immediate kindred. They have friends around the World Wide Web who influence them and are top in their line of respect than me, their mum. There are more pressing needs for them to catch up on the latest ways of speaking, looking and walking that is more important to them than these values that we have failed to imbibe in them. These failures have led us to a sinful cover-up that dangerously tugs at our heart and fills us with a pang of certain guilt that often drives us crazy.
We chase our dreams and claim it as theirs. We lose sight of their strength as we continuously count their mistakes and misdeeds. This doesn’t just drive them crazy, but also away from us. This takes them straight into the waiting arms of codeine, monkey tail, colorado and the latest cocktail poison of hard drugs. Shouldn’t we pay more loving attention to our God-given children; be more present in their lives; count more of their achievements than failures? Tell them that their online friends aren’t their real family but a bunch of total and complete strangers who disappear when their batteries and data fades?
Don’t get me wrong, the internet is not all demonic and evil; great opportunities abound in it. But, whichever way your parenting takes you, till I write again. I love you for reading.
Ambassador Adaobi writes from Lagos Nigeria.