My Son,
It seems as though these days, everywhere you turn you see people getting upset so easily. They do it while on the phone, at work, at home, in the supermarkets, in aircrafts and on the road. And we all know the feeling because we’ve all done it at one time or the other.
Losing one’s temper is hardly surprising in today’s stressful world. But living your life on a short fuse is bad for your physical and emotional wellbeing. Studies have shown that the inability to control your temper could affect long-term health:
- Men who bottle up their emotions until they eventually succumb in violent outbursts are twice as likely to suffer a stroke as men who stay naturally calm.
- Young women who often express their anger physically or verbally have higher cholesterol levels than those who are more placid.
We all get angry, and it is not necessarily a bad emotion. When one has been treated unfairly, anger is what makes you stand up for himself. Anger is no different from any other emotion we deal with in our daily lives such as happiness and sadness. Although anger is one of the most common emotions known to man, few of us are skilled at handling it. And when anger is not expressed appropriately, it can lead to rage, which often leads to violence.
If you’re prone to outbursts of bad temper, there are a few things you can do to control your anger. First, you need to realise that there might be nothing you can do about life’s little irritations – people are going to try to jump the queue, or drive like lunatics, or hold loud conversations in public places. The next thing to do is to try and work out the underlying reason(s) for this (irrational) outburst:
- Is there an issue you are trying to fix?
- Is it your studies or work that’s making you anxious and therefore unable to deal with daily stress?
- Do you have a health problem that’s worrying you?
- Is it a marital problem?
- Are you getting enough sleep?
- Are you eating sensibly and getting enough exercise?
- Are you maintaining a healthy balance between work and private time?
If you are generally calm and collected but sometimes blow your top, you need to work out how to control your anger. According to Dr Redford Williams, co-author of Anger Kills, as soon as you become aware of feeling angry, ask yourself three questions –
- Is this matter important to me?
- When I look at the objective facts of the situation, is my anger justified?
- Is there anything I can do to rectify the situation?’
He advises –“if you get one or more no’s, your anger is probably misplaced or inappropriate. If on the other hand, the answer to all three is yes, don’t blow up.”
This may be easier said than done but there are techniques you can practise to keep your temper in check:
- Work out exactly what makes you angry and write it down. This way, you can either avoid your temper triggers or defuse them before things get out of hand.
- Try not to express your anger the minute you feel it. Taking one or two slow, deep breaths can help you feel calmer.
- If you can control your temper, even for a short while, you feel more in control and will be more likely to handle a stressful situation without blowing up.
- The more often you control your temper, the easier it becomes.
If all else fails, walk away from the source of your anger until you’ve calmed down. Go somewhere private to scream or punch a cushion. When you feel calmer, return and deal with the problem.