My Dear Daughter,
Death as a subject is one most of us are very uncomfortable with. You might be saying to yourself, “Death? What is daddy up to now? Is he thinking of his own mortality?”
This is far from my thought. However, since my own daddy passed on when I was in my forties, married and with children, I have come to the clear understanding that death happens to us all. Yes, no one lives forever on this earthly plane.
The passage of your grandfather had such a profound impact on me. His death caused me so much pain and anguish that I lost my appetite for food for a long time and lost so much weight. I was angry with God for allowing him to die at the time he did. I could not bring myself to pray or meditate, as was my usual practice. I was really disillusioned. I expected him to live to be well over a hundred – he was strong, physically and mentally, looked after himself, ate the right kind of foods, and kept up with the times. It took me nearly a year to come to terms with his transition.
The death of someone we love is one of the hardest realities to cope with. Someone who we are close to, who has given meaning to our life is now no longer physically in our life. Things have suddenly changed and will never be the same without them. Death heralds so many adjustments. We have to reconstruct our life from what it was before the loss – we are now a son without a father, a widow instead of a wife, a friend without his best friend and confidant, et cetera. We want life to be the way it was, before death, and yet it never will be.
When you lose someone so close and dear to you, your heartbreaks beyond what you can comprehend. Truth is, even though the passage of time helps you adjust to the loss, you never completely get over the loss – you will never forget your loved ones who have left this mortal plane.
So, what is the purpose of this letter, you may ask?
- I want you to appreciate that although death is an ending, it is also a necessary part of living.
- These endings are often painful and difficult to cope with.
- Because death happens, focus on and appreciate the things that are important in life while you still have breath in you.
- Appreciate the opportunity you have to interact with loved ones and make the best of the time you have with them because it is not unlimited.
- Limits sharpen our focus and senses and death is the ultimate limit—a reminder that we need to be aware of those we love and appreciate the gift of having them in our life.
- Death is also a beginning:
- Time for reinvention. The passing of a loved one forces us to gradually reinvent our lives.
- This reinvention is an opportunity to experience beauty in new, unseen ways and places.
- Death is an opportunity to celebrate a person’s life, and to be grateful for the times shared.
My dear, do not fret and worry over death and all its pains and complications and complexities. Do not be afraid of dying but rather be afraid of not living while alive.
Love you always,
Dad.