Times have changed. It is no longer a stigma to be a single parent as it used to be up to the 1980’s. Many factors have lead to the rise in the number of single parents in our society, one of which is the increase in the number of divorces. And, this increase in number has coincided with the continuing break down in our communal living and support structure, especially with rapid urbanisation. Therefore, it is quite challenging raising children alone in the present milieu but, with a little patience and organisation, one can cope quite well and enjoy the parenting experience.
GET SUPPORT FROM OTHERS
As single parent it is very important not to be isolated, and believe that one can do it alone. The truth is most single parents have to cope with loneliness, exhaustion, and financial stress. Oftentimes, they are overwhelmed by a sense of responsibility.
Single parents experience a great amount of worry, and sometimes feel guilty that they are not able to tend to all of their child (ren)’s needs, or provide all the opportunities they wish the child (ren) could have. In this regard they tend to overwork themselves, sometimes taking on two jobs. For example a single parent that is a teacher might take on trading in some commodity to make ends meet. However,this leads to the single parent being chronically fatigued. A single parent should set aside time to rest and recuperate so as to avoid burnout, depression, and feelings of hopelessness. Being a single parent does not mean you have to do everything yourself. It is important to reach out to those who can help and support you.
Family and friends are the greatest asset to single parents. Knowing that there are people who care about your wellbeing; who you can call on in an emergency; or even when you just need a break can make the difference to your ability to cope with the pressure. You should have a number of trusted relations, neighbours, friends or members of your religious community you can call on for help. You can arrange with friends and other parents for lifts to and from school.Do not be afraid or reluctant to ask for help. Also, if you can afford it, it may be advisable to employ a domestic helper to relieve you of some of the housework
Need for Stability and Routine
Avoid your child (ren) feeling neglected and resentful because you are not always there for them. It is important, if they are old enough, to explain clearly your economic situation and the reason(s) you have to work long hours in order to provide what the family needs. It is important to reassure them that they are very important to you, and out of sight is not out of mind – that you love them and miss them when you are not with them. Also, you may keep in touch with them regularly by calls and messages when not with them.
It is crucial that you create a routine as this makes a child feel safe and comfortable –
- Time for school.
- Time for home work
- Times for meals
- Time to watch television (preferable in your company).
- Time for bed.
The routine you establish helps to build a child that is confident, secure and self-reliant. This will also allow you to have time for yourself – to be able to go out, socialise and do other things, so that your whole life does not always revolve around your child or children. Tell your child (ren) when you’re going out and make sure that the babysitter is a dependable person that they like.
Define Boundaries for the Child (Children)
Children of single parents sometimes display troublesome behavioral patterns, with the boys being prone to aggressiveness and the girls inclined towards being reserved and withdrawn.
In order to manage these traits and bring up children that are psychologically sound, here are some dos and don’ts:
- Do not to indulge the child by pandering to his or her demands, whims and caprices.Do not try to over-compensate out of guilt that he/she/they do not have both parents.
- Maintain your authority and be consistent about discipline. Set reasonable house rules, and explain and enforce the rules.
- Insist that they must be of respectful behaviour.
- And always remember to praise your child. Tell them often that you love them.Assure them of your unconditional love and support.
- Be honest with your child if you are having a difficult time, but don’t make them feel responsible or burdened.
- Remember that you set the mood, and your child is sensitive to your feelings. So keep your worries to yourself. If you need to talk to someone about them best you confide in a trusted family member or friend.
- No matter the situation assure them that things will improve. Stay positive.
- Try not to lose you sense of honour when dealing with everyday challenges.Hold on to your dignity and have faith that you can make it.
Take care for yourself
You’re no good to your child if you exhaust yourself with work and fall ill. It is important to:
- Exercise.
- Eat properly.
- Get enough sleep, to have your mind and body rest and recharge.
- If you note that you are chronically tired, and experience persistent sadness, irritability or changes in appetite, see your doctor.
- Being worn out and unable to cope may make you resort to physical punishment or even become abusive towards your child (ren), so it’s important that you recognize warning signs and take a break if necessary.