Dear Dorothy,
I have been dating Ngozie for the past five years. We plan to marry each other in the nearest future. However, I’m starting to have second thoughts because of her mother. Put simply, she is not a nice woman. She is opinionated and domineering, and seems to be the man in her home. Her husband is very docile around her.
We have a proverb in Igbo land, that a man considering marriage should take a close look at the mother of his intended wife. The reason for this proverb is that culturally, we think that most women in the long term turn out to be like their mother. Dorothy, my fear is that if I marry Ngozie and she turns out to be like her mother in future, I am in for a miserable married life.
But having dated her for so long, I am at a loss as to what to do.
Please advice.
My Dear,
Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you. Much depends upon how Ngozie feels about her mother’s nature and her dominance in their family home. If she recognizes that her mother’s character will not serve her well in a marriage if she adopts her ways, then you have nothing to fear. However, if she is comfortable with her mother’s ways then given your fears, this will not bode well for your relationship.
While love can conquer almost everything, unless she sees that you are not interested in being a henpecked husband, I will ask that you take another adage to heart as you make your decision – “You seek for a black goat in the light of day.” To be happy in a relationship both parties must be comfortable in each other’s company, with no one seeking to dominate and dictate to the other.
So have a frank talk with your girlfriend, evaluate the situation and come to a clear-headed decision. Good luck.
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