Dear Dorothy,
How can one resist sexual temptation? Man or woman, Young or old
Single or married?
Hello there,
I find your question on how one should resist sexual temptation interesting. I also like the catch-all range – man, woman, young, old, single or married. All are indeed susceptible to sexual temptation.
Sex is a highly emotive act – it involves our emotions, imagination, feelings, desires; we have all these gamuts of sensitivities we have to deal with in the effort to resist sexual temptation.
For me, resisting sexual temptation involves two broad actions: the first is a conscious decision, a determined choice, not to indulge in sexual desire. If you decide to resist it, you are very likely to overcome it. The second is control. It often always depends on the mind. Be in charge of your thoughts! No matter how tempting the feelings may get, if you can control them, you can resist the temptation.
Beyond these broad actions, there are practical steps you may take to resist temptation:
Do not put yourself in situations where you will be easily tempted.
There is no point in placing yourself in a vulnerable situation and hoping that you can through willpower or otherwise avoid a sexual encounter.
Watch your eyes.
They are the windows to your soul. Train your eyes to focus on non-sexual parts of the body when you meet with the opposite sex. And if you notice an attractive person and become turned on, just turn your mind to something else.
Avoid stoking up the fires of desires.
Keep your desires in check so that you do not awaken sexual desires that will only leave you frustrated if you don’t have sex. Thoughts, erotic materials, personal contact, conversations on sex, etc. can set off our sexual desires, we know what “turns us on” –and with such knowledge, know what to do to keep them turned off.
So avoid erotic materials.
Do not store nude or partially nude or erotic pictures on your phone. Or seek out pornographic materials on the web.
Try to avoid participating in discussions, which are based on sex (intercourse). Discussions with friends might yield a lot of intimate and detailed sexual examples, which when you’re alone, you can be sure that somehow, those details would cross your mind.
Do not get anxious when you hear others talking about their sexual escapades.
The fact that everyone is doing something doesn’t make it right or wrong. Do not let peer pressure make you think that you have to join the bandwagon. Do not feel pressured or intimidated to have something to say about your own escapades.
Try to avoid casual sex.
Random, short, casual encounters often have lasting effects. Always bear this in mind. Don’t think it won’t cost you anything. You might also feel in certain situations that after so many efforts of resisting the temptation to have sex with someone, you should give it just one try. Don’t. There is a reason you are unsure about it. Sex is much better in a committed relationship.
Keep your mind occupied with useful thoughts.
“An idle mind is the devil’s workshop,” it is often said. While alone, your thoughts may stray, and you find yourself busy thinking about a certain someone you met earlier in the day. With time, you just might be obsessed with feelings of going to bed with the person. Perhaps, it is best to nip it in the bud and think of something else once you begin to drift.
Try to develop confidence in yourself and your abilities.
Be proud of who you are. Sexual temptation is easier to resist if one has a deep respect for himself or herself.
You will be best able to resist peer pressure and live life on your own rules and terms. You will also not be overcome by the challenges of life, which brings weariness and sadness. Weariness and sadness leave us vulnerable to temptation as we seek “consolation”
I hope this helps. Best of luck.
Chief (Mrs.) Dorothy C. Anyiam-Osigwe OON is an Agony Columnist, Writer and Company Executive.