Dear Dorothy,
I come from a strong Christian background where premarital sex is taboo. I am currently dating a guy and we have agreed to stay chaste till marriage.
My aunt who got married recently got the biggest shock of her life. Her husband has been impotent but never disclosed this to her. Just like my relationship, she and her husband had dated without engaging in premarital sex. According to my aunt, she is having a hard time in their sexless marriage and wants to pull out. She advised me to ‘taste’ my boyfriend to avoid such a predicament.
I wanted to ask if it is okay to go against my values and sleep with my boyfriend to know his sexual prowess. My friends think I’m old school to be still thinking about this. They believe that is the way to go to avoid marriage regrets.
What’s your take on premarital sex? Are there other ways to know if you are sexually compatible with a partner?
Yours sincerely,
Chidera
Dear Chidera,
I salute your stance on sticking to your values. In a world that sex sells, it is difficult to be among the minority. Since you and your boyfriend have agreed to wait till you are married before sex, then go ahead. You are not only training yourself to overcome temptations, but you are building yourselves to be more value-oriented.
Many marriages have failed because of sexual incompatibility. One partner would go ahead and deceive the other about their sexual history and orientation. The gullible one would go ahead and get married only to be shocked like the case of your aunt. She is not alone in marrying someone with infertility or other issues without knowing and other issues. Therefore, couples should do their homework well. This does not mean engaging in premarital sex.
During courtship, you should communicate openly. Discuss with your partner to know more about their sexuality. From their answers and how they react, you can tell what is brewing. Don’t spend so much time on trivial matters, ask the right questions as that touch you so that you don’t meet any shocker.
It is possible to know if you are sexually compatible with your partner by talking about it. Ask the questions wisely so that you won’t be deceived. Through open communication, their values and lifestyle, you can deduce how compartible you are with your partner.
At the end of the day, you must make a choice. If you are not comfortable with what you are observing and feeling, you may want to follow your heart.
Yours truly,
Dorothy