Dear Dorothy: How do I care for my aged parents?

Dear Dorothy,

I’m writing with something that’s been weighing on my heart. My parents are getting on in years. My father is 78 and my mother is 74. While I’m grateful they’re still with us, I’ve started to notice that they’re slowing down physically and becoming more forgetful.

I feel torn. I have a demanding job, young children to raise, and very little time for myself. Yet I also feel guilty that I’m not doing enough for my parents. I want to be there for them emotionally and practically, but I’m struggling to find the right balance.

Some of my siblings live abroad, so most of the responsibility falls on me. I don’t know how to manage it all or where to begin. What’s the right thing to do? How do I care for them without losing myself in the process?

Yours sincerely,
Odior

Dear Odior,

You are not alone in feeling this way. Many people in the so-called “sandwich generation” find themselves caring for children while also supporting elderly parents. It’s a noble but heavy load, and it’s perfectly natural to feel pulled in different directions.

Firstly, let go of the guilt. Guilt often creeps in when we care deeply, but it doesn’t always reflect reality. You’re already doing something significant, you’re noticing, you’re concerned, and you’re seeking help. That shows love and responsibility.

Start by having open conversations with your parents. Ask what support they feel they need. Sometimes, they may just want more company or help with small tasks. Other times, they may need assistance managing medications or attending appointments. You won’t know unless you ask, gently and respectfully.

Depending on your location, there may be home care services, adult day centres, or community support programmes available. You don’t have to do everything yourself.

It’s also worth setting boundaries. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Create a schedule that allows you to support your parents without burning out. Even a weekly visit, regular phone call, or helping to organise groceries can make a big difference.

Talk to your siblings too. Distance doesn’t always mean absence. They can help with finances, managing paperwork, or even making regular video calls to stay connected and ease your load.

Finally, don’t neglect your own needs. Consider joining a local or online support group for carers, sharing with others can bring relief and perspective. And be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best, and that is enough.

With warmth and understanding,
Dorothy