Dear Dorothy,
I often find myself feeling less than my friends. They always seem more confident, more attractive and more successful. Even when I achieve something good, I still feel overshadowed. Sometimes I avoid social gatherings because I do not want to be reminded of what I think I lack. I know this is not healthy, but I cannot shake the feeling that I am simply not enough compared to my mates. How do I overcome this inferior complex?
Yours,
Sarah
Dear Sarah,
What you are experiencing is more common than you think. Many people, no matter how accomplished, have moments when they doubt their worth. The challenge arises when these feelings grow strong enough to colour how you see yourself and your place among others.
The first step is to recognise that comparison is a thief of joy. You are measuring your journey with someone else’s yardstick, forgetting that each person has a different path, background and set of opportunities. What looks like perfection on the outside may not reflect the struggles or insecurities your mates quietly carry.
Instead of focusing on what you believe you lack, take time to highlight what you have achieved. Keep a small journal where you write down victories, however small. It might be finishing a project, helping a friend, or simply showing up for yourself when you did not feel like it. Over time, these reminders build a healthier picture of your abilities.
Try also to shift your attention from competition to growth. Ask yourself: “What do I want to improve for my own sake?” not “How can I measure up to them?” This change in perspective reduces pressure and allows you to celebrate progress at your own pace.
Lastly, do not hesitate to talk it out with a trusted mentor, counsellor or friend. Sometimes sharing these feelings helps to lighten the load and gives you a more balanced perspective.
Remember this: you are not behind, you are not less, you are simply on your unique journey. Value your story and let it unfold without constant comparison.
With care,
Dorothy