Dear Dorothy,
I’m an Ibadan woman living in the UK and I’m deeply ashamed of my accent. I’ve been here for a few years now and I’ve noticed that people often ask me to repeat myself or laugh subtly when I speak. In professional settings, I feel overlooked or not taken seriously, and I can’t help but think it’s because of how I sound. I’ve tried to soften my accent but it feels fake. Still, I dread speaking in meetings or making phone calls. I love my country, but my voice betrays me. I feel stuck between being true to myself and trying to fit in. How can I deal with this shame?
Adeola
Dear Adeola,
Thank you for writing in. First, let me say this: your voice is not something to be ashamed of. It carries the rhythm of your heritage, the richness of your story, and the strength of where you’ve come from. The discomfort you’re experiencing is not a flaw within you but a reflection of the bias that exists in many societies against anything that sounds unfamiliar or different.
Accents are not mistakes to be fixed. They are a part of who we are. Yours tells people that you are multilingual, that you’ve crossed continents and carried your identity with you. That deserves respect, not ridicule.
Sadly, some people react with ignorance when they hear non-Western accents. It’s painful and unfair. But trying to erase your accent to make others feel comfortable will only chip away at your confidence. There’s nothing wrong with working on clarity and professional communication, but that should never come at the cost of self-worth.
Instead of focusing on softening your voice, focus on strengthening your presence. Speak with the knowledge that you belong in every room you walk into. Join networks of other Nigerians and Africans in the diaspora who are owning their voices. Practice speaking in front of friends or mentors who support you. Take pride in how far you’ve come.
One last thing: people with accents are not the problem. People who judge based on them are. Your accent is Ibadan, yes, but more importantly, it is yours. Wear it proudly.
Warm wishes,
Dorothy