Dear Dorothy,
I recently got married, and while I am genuinely happy to start this new chapter, I am struggling to adjust to the reality of being a wife. Everything feels different; from having to consider someone else’s opinions to managing expectations from my husband, in-laws, and even friends. I sometimes miss my independence and worry if I’m doing enough or being a “good” wife. No one really talks about how overwhelming it can feel after the wedding glow fades. How do I find my balance and truly settle into this new role without losing myself?
— Nita
Dear Nita,
What you’re feeling is completely normal and far more common than people admit. Marriage, while beautiful, comes with a mix of emotions: excitement, anxiety, self-doubt, and adjustment. The shift from being “me” to being part of an “us” can be both thrilling and unsettling.
First, permit yourself to take time to adjust. You’ve undergone a major life transition, and it’s unrealistic to expect instant perfection. Every couple develops their rhythm over time. The early months are about learning: learning how your partner communicates, what makes you both tick, and how to share space, decisions, and responsibilities.
Second, don’t lose sight of your individuality. Being a wife doesn’t mean erasing who you were before marriage. Keep up with your friendships, your hobbies, your ambitions. A strong marriage thrives when both partners bring their whole, authentic selves into it. Your independence isn’t a threat to your union; it’s part of what keeps it vibrant.
Third, manage expectations, especially external ones. Families and society often project ideals of what a “good wife” should be. The truth is, there’s no universal template. A good wife communicates honestly, loves wholeheartedly, and continues to grow, both within and outside the marriage.
Finally, talk to your partner. Share how you feel without blame or guilt. You may be surprised to find he’s also adjusting in his own way. Marriage is a partnership not a performance. When you both acknowledge that you’re still learning, it creates space for grace, patience, and laughter along the way.
You’re not failing, you’re evolving. Take it one day at a time, and soon, the newness will give way to a deeper understanding of love and companionship.
With warmth,
Dorothy