Dear Dorothy,
I am in a bit of a dilemma and need your advice. I’m currently dating two wonderful men who have both expressed their interest in a serious, committed relationship with me. Let’s call them Alex and Ben.
Alex is incredibly caring and always puts my needs first. He has a stable job, loves spending time with my family, and we share many common interests. However, sometimes I feel like our relationship lacks a bit of excitement.
Ben, on the other hand, is adventurous and always brings a thrill into my life. He encourages me to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. We have an electric connection, but he can sometimes be unpredictable and isn’t as consistent as Alex.
I care deeply for both of them but am struggling to decide who might be the better long-term partner. How do I make this choice without hurting anyone, including myself?
Sincerely,
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
Choosing between two suitors, especially when both have qualities you admire, can be incredibly challenging. It’s important to approach this decision thoughtfully and consider both your head and heart in the process. Here are a few steps that might help you make the best choice:
- Reflect on your values: Think about what matters most to you in a long-term relationship. Stability, shared values, and a sense of security are crucial for many people. While excitement and adventure are also important, they may not sustain a relationship over the long haul if there’s no solid foundation.
- Envision the future: Picture your life five or ten years down the road. With whom do you see yourself growing and facing life’s challenges? Consider who aligns best with your future goals and aspirations.
- Evaluate compatibility: Compatibility isn’t just about shared interests but also about how you handle conflicts, make decisions together, and support each other’s growth. Pay attention to how each relationship makes you feel and if it brings out the best in you.
- Communication is key: Have honest conversations with both Alex and Ben about your thoughts and feelings. Transparency can provide clarity and may even reveal which relationship has more depth and potential.
- Listen to your gut: Sometimes, your intuition can be your best guide. Pay attention to your inner feelings and instincts about each relationship. Which person makes you feel truly happy and secure?
- Consider a trial period: If possible, take some time apart from both suitors to gain perspective. A little distance can help you understand your feelings better and make a clearer decision.
Remember, it is essential to be fair and honest with both Alex and Ben once you have made your decision. Hurting someone you care about is never easy, but being upfront and kind is the best approach. Ultimately, choose the person who feels like home to you, someone you can count on and with whom you can envision building a future.
Take your time with this decision, and trust that by listening to your heart and mind, you will find the right path forward.
Warm regards,
Dorothy