Dear Agony Aunt,
I’m feeling really down lately. I can’t help but notice that many of my peers are doing so well—excelling in their careers, buying houses, getting promotions, and achieving all the things I thought I’d have by now. Every time I scroll through social media, it feels like a constant reminder that I’m falling behind. I try my best, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not where I should be. How do I stop comparing myself to others and find peace in my own journey?
— Chloe
Dear Chloe,
First of all, I want you to know that what you’re feeling is incredibly common, especially in today’s world where social media can make everyone else’s life look like a highlight reel. It’s easy to look at others and think they’ve figured everything out, but the truth is, everyone’s journey is unique, and nobody has it all together—no matter how perfect things may appear.
Here are a few things to keep in mind when you find yourself stuck in comparison:
- Run Your own race: Life is not a competition, nor is there a strict timeline we all have to follow. You have your own unique path, and sometimes that means taking different turns or hitting milestones at different times. What works for someone else may not be what’s best for you—and that’s okay. Celebrate your small wins, even if they seem insignificant compared to others. They’re part of your story, not anyone else’s.
- Remember the hidden struggles: We often compare our worst days to someone else’s best. People usually showcase their achievements but rarely their struggles or failures. What you’re seeing may not reflect the full reality of their life. Everyone has setbacks, doubts, and moments of feeling lost, even if they don’t show it.
- Focus on your progress: Take a moment to look back on where you were a year ago, five years ago, or even longer. Have you grown? Have you learned new things? Progress isn’t always about big leaps; sometimes it’s about the small steps forward. Acknowledge your growth and accomplishments, no matter how small they might seem.
- Limit social media exposure: Social media can be a huge trigger for comparison. If scrolling through posts makes you feel worse about yourself, it’s time to take a step back. Consider taking breaks or curating your feed so that it includes content that uplifts and inspires you rather than making you feel inadequate.
- Practice gratitude: Comparison steals joy. To counteract that, try focusing on gratitude. Make a list of things you are proud of and grateful for—things that are unique to you. It could be your resilience, your kindness, your friendships, or even smaller victories like learning a new skill. Shifting your focus to what you have rather than what you lack can help bring peace to your heart. I am lost in comparison with my peers.
- Redefine success: Success looks different for everyone, and it’s not always about career achievements, wealth, or status. For some, success is about finding balance, enjoying good health, nurturing meaningful relationships, or simply feeling content. Take time to define what success means to you, not based on what others expect.
Lastly, be kind to yourself. Life isn’t a sprint—it’s a marathon. There will be seasons of growth, setbacks, rest, and recalibration. You’re right where you’re supposed to be, learning, evolving, and building the life that’s meant for you. You’re doing just fine.
Sending you strength and self-compassion on your journey.
— Dorothy