Dear Dorothy,
My friend has an on-off relationship with her boyfriend. It’s become clear to me that when they’re going through a tricky period, she’s all over me, ringing and texting and wanting to meet up whenever we can. I’m fond of her and I go along with it because she’s good company. But the minute the boyfriend beckons she rushes off and I’m left in the lurch. Plans we’d made are immediately forgotten. Of course, I have other friends but I’m beginning to feel really angry and taken for granted. How do I tackle this?
Yours Sincerely,
Caro
Dear Caro,
If it’s any comfort, you’re far from alone with this situation. Before you explode with resentment, I think you must work out a little speech, measured but to the point, and then deliver it with love. Use the ‘I feel’ rather than ‘You make me feel’ method otherwise she’ll probably go on the attack to defend herself. Gently point out that boyfriends may come and go but girlfriends can, if treated decently, last forever. Assure her how fond of her you are but ask her, in future, to make an effort not to drop you and your joint plans the moment the boyfriend reappears. After all, she wouldn’t like it if the boot were on the other foot, would she?
Yours Truly,
Dorothy