Dear Dorothy,
I have a boyfriend whom I love. However Dorothy, I also have a crush on a relative who is a distant cousin of mine. Recently we met at a family wedding and things got quite intense between my cousin and I. We later had a chat over the phone and decided that we should not let our feelings for one another get out of hand.
The problem is that not only am I very much attracted to him, he is also married with children. I come from a broken home and know the sense of betrayal and hatred children go through when parents separate.
Dorothy I don’t want to break up his marriage, neither do I want to part ways with my boyfriend but I feel tempted to have an affair with my relative even if it is a brief one.
Should I go ahead to fulfill this desire?
My dear,
In the first place you should be ashamed to openly say you have a crush on your relative, let alone a married cousin. You also say you have a boyfriend whom you love, yet you have this crush on a relative of yours. I suggest you try and talk to yourself, straighten out your thoughts and check what is really fueling your emotions.
It is an abomination in most of our cultures, so it is important you keep this desire to have an affair with your relative to yourself. Besides being a taboo, beware that any affair with your relative might just be your undoing. You say that you just want a brief affair, but given your infatuation this might become a long drawn out affair. You may even fall in love with him and then what? A broken home, sense of betrayal and hatred those involved will go through due to the separation. Something you have experienced first hand.
Should you start an affair and it gets into the public domain, can you deal with the far-reaching condemnation that will come both your ways?
Take my advice and purge yourself of all thoughts of an affair with this man and make sure you avoid situations where you might be thrown together. Don’t make contact with him and try to control your fantasies. You will always meet men you are attracted to and who in turn are attracted to you. You need to control these attractions or they can impact your life negatively.
Take time to review your relationship with your boyfriend. If you love him but he’s not fulfilling your needs, it may be why you’re looking for an affair elsewhere. So, do put some effort into making the relationship with the man you say you love what you want out of a close relationship before you even think of getting involved with someone else.