Dear Dorothy,
I think I have serious trust issues. It’s affecting my relationships and even my friendships. Whenever someone gets close to me, I start imagining the worst or that they’ll hurt me, lie to me, or leave. I find it hard to open up, and even when people prove themselves, I still doubt them.
I’ve lost a few good people because of this, and I don’t know how to change. How do I start trusting again without being disappointed?
— Kate
Dear Kate,
First, it’s brave of you to admit this; most people with trust issues never do. Trust isn’t something that magically appears; it’s built, often after we’ve been hurt. The wall you’ve built is your mind’s way of protecting you, but now it’s also keeping genuine people out.
Start small. Instead of trying to trust everyone, focus on one or two people who have earned your confidence. Pay attention to their consistency — trust is formed through repeated reliability, not promises.
At the same time, turn the mirror inward. Ask yourself what experience made you so guarded. Healing comes when you forgive not only those who hurt you but also yourself for holding on to that pain.
You can also talk to a counsellor or therapist. Sometimes, it takes an unbiased space to untangle what your heart has been carrying for too long.
Remember, trust doesn’t mean being naïve; it means giving people a fair chance to show who they really are. And if they disappoint you, it says more about them than about your ability to trust.
Take it one step at a time; not everyone is out to hurt you.
With warmth,
Dorothy