Dear Dorothy,
My wife only allows us to make love once in a while. The last time that we had sex was four months ago. The infrequency of sex in our marriage is getting to me. In fact, her general lack of affection towards me, sexually and otherwise, is upsetting to me.
And I think that on the few occasions we do make love, she fakes her orgasms! I also think she views sex as a “duty,” and refuses to make love to me unless I insist. Should wives not be vamping it up in the bedroom, swinging on the chandeliers or stripper poles, and whipping out the whipped cream, in order to keep their husbands satisfied? After all, I did “put a ring on it”, and in doing so, declared to the world that she is that special person to me.
I am fed up with this mistreatment at home – the absence of love and respect for my person. What do you advice I do?
My Dear,
You and your wife seriously have a huge disconnection when it comes to matters of love and loving between the two of you. How long has this been the state of affairs in your marriage? You did not say how long you have been married. My guess is that your marriage must be over ten years. Couples once they are married and get into a routine tend to take each other for granted.
Many women however will defend your wife’s actions and admit to doing the same on the grounds that they don’t have time to make love, as they are so busy attending to other important matters. Quite a number of women who have been married for a number of years constantly complain about the lack of time for romance with their husbands. This often times leaves their men vulnerable to cheating.
Love, as with all things in life withers and dies if not given the necessary attention. We have to pay attention and show affection to our loved ones. But that you “put a ring on it” does not mean she has to succumb to all your desires. The fires of love have to be constantly stoked otherwise the flame will flicker and die out. Both of you have to try and communicate with one another and work out your differences. You can also try couples counseling.
That said, I would ask you to try and get your wife to talk about how you can rekindle the fire in your relationship. Be sincere and patient. I am sure that showing your wife how much you care and appreciate her, and not just as a sex object, will help bring back the loving relationship in your marriage.
Good luck.