Dear Dorothy,
I’m struggling with feeling validated by my social media. I post regularly, carefully curate my content, and even try to engage meaningfully, but my focus always returns to likes, comments, and follower counts. I know these are just numbers, but they somehow dictate my mood. On good days, they lift me; on bad days, they make me feel unworthy. How do I stop attaching so much of my happiness and fulfilment to these vanity metrics?
Sincerely,
Helen
Dear Helen,
First, let me reassure you: you’re not alone. Social media is designed to encourage us to chase these little dopamine hits. It’s a shiny, modern version of applause, and it’s hard not to get caught up in it. But as you’ve noticed, it can leave you feeling empty. The good news is, you have the power to change this relationship.
Start by asking yourself why you use social media. Is it to share a message, connect with others, or showcase your creativity? Refocusing on your purpose can shift the emphasis from numbers to impact. For example, instead of measuring success by likes, consider the value of meaningful comments, heartfelt conversations, or even just knowing your post brightened someone’s day.
Remember that vanity metrics are like junk food—they feel good temporarily but don’t provide lasting nourishment. True fulfilment comes from deeper connections, growth, and aligning your actions with your values. Cultivate joy offline. Pursue hobbies, deepen relationships, or engage in volunteer work. These “real-world metrics” are far more rewarding.
Finally, set boundaries with social media. Limit screen time, turn off notifications, or take a break altogether to reset your perspective. If your happiness hinges on a pixelated thumbs-up, it’s time to step back and give yourself a real thumbs-up for being the unique and wonderful person you are.
Social media is a tool—it’s meant to serve you, not the other way around. Take control of it, and let your self-worth grow from something far more stable and enduring than a fleeting double-tap.
Yours sincerely,
Dorothy