Dear Dorothy,
I am a 30-year-old mother of three children, and have been married for seven years. However Dorothy, for the past eighteen months, I have been having an affair with my brother-in-law.
Our affair was quite intense during the first year and we discussed how we could be together on a permanent basis. But, in the past six months, he started creating a distance between the two of us. Recently, he threw what I consider a bombshell by informing me he wants us to stop seeing each other. He explained that he now realises he still loves his wife, and would also not want to be separated from his children.
I want to leave my husband. We share the same bed but haven’t made love in a year. I can’t stand my husband touching me. I have tried to make my brother- in-law realise how much I love him and want to be with him, but he says it’s over.
My whole world is falling apart. What do you advice I do?
My Dear,
I have read your mail and tried to get a handle on what you are saying. However, I am still at a loss as to why a mature married woman with three children will go ahead to complicate her life by having an affair with her brother-in-law. And a married brother-in-law at that. What are you playing at? This is a fire that can consume a whole family with hatred and bitterness all round.
The madness of the affair you and your brother-in-law engaged in for eighteen months should not have started in the first place. Thank God one of you now has the good sense to end it before it destroys the lives of many – your husband, your lover’s wife, all the children involved, etcetera.
I hope your brother-in-law sticks to his resolve to end the affair with you, and that you have the good sense to let sleeping dogs lie.
You can’t force your lover to love you. You have no choice but to accept his wishes.
You then need to make up your mind whether you want to stay with your husband. If you don’t love him anymore, staying will be to the detriment of the children. But if you do decide to stay, I suggest you’ll both need counselling to resolve your marital issues. Don’t divorce your husband just because of your ex-lover. Only after you’ve resolved the problems within your marriage can you think about pursuing a relationship with anyone else.