Dear Dorothy,
I never imagined I would find myself here, writing this. I am struggling with a pornography addiction and it is beginning to affect every part of my life. It has changed how I see myself, my relationships, and even how I spend my time. I feel ashamed, trapped and afraid someone will find out. I have tried to stop many times, but the more I try, the deeper I seem to fall back in.
I do not know who to talk to, because people might judge me. Please, what can I do? I want my life back.
Yours sincerely,
Emily
Dear Emily,
First, thank you for writing in. It takes courage to speak about something that feels heavy, private and uncomfortable. What you are experiencing is more common than you think, and it does not make you weak or broken. It simply means you are human and you need support.
Pornography addiction thrives in secrecy, so the fact that you are ready to face it already puts you ahead. Let me walk you through a few steps that can help you take back control.
1. Be honest with yourself about triggers
Addiction does not happen in a vacuum. There are usually moments, emotions or situations that push you towards porn. It could be stress, boredom, loneliness or even late-night scrolling. Notice these patterns. Once you can identify them, you can interrupt them.
2. Create barriers between you and easy access
Use website blockers, limit screen time at night, delete saved content and avoid being online when you feel vulnerable. These small actions create distance between impulse and action and give you space to breathe.
3. Fill your time with healthier outlets
Addictions often grow in empty spaces. Pick up activities that genuinely engage you. Exercise, journalling, reading or even long walks can redirect your attention and reduce urges.
4. Talk to someone you trust
Shame is heavy, but it gets lighter when shared with the right person. Confide in someone who will listen without judgment. If that feels too difficult, online support communities offer anonymity and understanding.
5. Consider speaking to a therapist
A trained professional can help you unpack the emotional roots of the addiction. Therapy is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of readiness to heal.
6. Be patient with yourself
Recovery is rarely a straight line. Some days will be easier than others. Do not punish yourself for slipping. Instead, recognise the progress you have made and try again. Healing happens one day at a time.
You deserve a life where you feel present, confident and free. It will take effort, but you can get there. Start with small changes and remember you are not alone in this journey.
Warm regards,
Dorothy