Dear Dorothy,
I will turn 30 on December 25, 2019. I have a successful career and have a comfortable life but the problem is that I am still single.
I must unashamedly admit that I want to settle down in a loving marriage with a man who loves, cares for me and cherishes me.
I also want to have children in a loving and secure marriage.
I am not currently in any relationship. I desperately need advice on how to make my dream of a happy marriage with loving children come true.
Please advice.
My Dear,
You are not alone in wishing to settle down in a loving relationship and grow a family. It is also good that you are clear on this and are not pretending to yourself, associates and friends that your single status at 29 is not of concern to you.
Let’s be clear, there’s nothing wrong with being single or married. Some women are genuinely not bothered whether they are single or married at whatever age they are. However, my grouse is with those who desire to be married but make a faux show about being unbothered. You have to be honest with yourself and take the steps to attain it.
So my prayer for you this 2019 is that God in His infinite wisdom and ways will connect you to that partner that he has ordained for you and that you are blessed in the relationship. When this happens, be sure to be thankful to God and keep praying that the relationship stays happy and blessed over the years.
I am sure that you’ve dated a few men you believed you’ll walk down the aisle with, but fate had other plans. You need to be confident in the fact that no one is in control of how any relationship will ultimately pan out. A while ago, I wrote a response to a woman worried about her economic situation and I want to repeat some of what I said in my response to her here because it’s still relevant.
“One of the ways to stop worrying over any situation is to adopt the mantra – “Que sera, sera. Whatever will be will be”. It is from a song by actress/singer Doris Day – “Que Sera, Sera (Whatever Will Be, Will Be).
The first two verses go thus:
When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother, What will I be?
Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?
Here’s what she said to me:
Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
My dear, we all will do well to keep ourselves from worrying because in life, whatever will be, will be. I don’t know if you are religious, but in one of his sermons in the New Testament of the Bible, Jesus buttresses this point in Luke 12:25, the New International Version, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”
And he goes on to say further in Luke 12:26-31 (same version) “Consider how the wildflowers grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow, is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you – you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.
Worry is not the answer!”
As the years pass by, family and friends put you under pressure to find a man to settle down with and you wish they could just give you a break.
My dear, do not give up hope. Love will come knocking when you least expect it as long as you’re open to the idea – and I believe you are. It might be frustrating and tiring but it is better than not trying at all. However, relax in the quest because Que Sera, Sera; whatever Will be, Will be.
Never act desperate or compromise your standards. Be patient with yourself. Don’t let loneliness make you do what you would not do otherwise.
To love and be loved is an innate human desire. Though we try so hard to stay away from it, we find ourselves drawn back again. We all crave love and it is good for our heart and soul. We should all be blessed in life with the knowledge and pleasure of loving and being loved. So your desire is not amiss.
While still searching for your one and only, make sure to take good care of yourself, take breaks when you need them, exercise and eat healthily. Loving yourself will bring you peace and energise you to love another person.
I wish you the best for 2019 and May God serendipitously bring you and the love of your life together this year. Happy New Year!