Dear Dorothy,
I’ve been going to church for as long as I can remember. It’s what I was raised to do. But lately, I find myself questioning a lot of what I hear there. The sermons no longer sit right with me, and I feel more judged than uplifted.
I’ve started reading books and listening to other perspectives, and honestly, I feel more spiritually alive and mentally free than I ever did in church. But the guilt is real. My family would be disappointed, and I know people will talk. Still, I feel this deep pull to step away from organised religion and explore my own path to think freely and believe without being boxed in.
Is it wrong to stop going to church? Am I being selfish? How do I handle the guilt and fear of disappointing others?
Conflicted but Curious,
Lilian
Dear Lilian,
First of all, thank you for being brave enough to write in. Questioning long-held beliefs, especially around faith, is no small thing. It’s deeply personal and deeply courageous.
Let’s begin with this: You are not wrong. Wanting to step away from church does not make you selfish, rebellious, or faithless. It makes you human: a thinking, feeling, evolving one.
Spirituality is not a one-size-fits-all experience. For some, the structure and rituals of the church offer comfort and clarity. For others, those same structures feel restrictive. Wanting to explore beyond the walls of a church doesn’t mean abandoning your morals, your sense of right and wrong, or your belief in something greater than yourself. It simply means you’re seeking a truth that feels authentic to you.
Yes, people might talk. Family might frown. Guilt might linger. But none of those should outweigh your mental peace or spiritual clarity. You’re not walking away from faith, you’re redefining it on your terms. And that’s not betrayal; that’s growth.
Here are a few steps to help you navigate this shift:
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Give yourself permission. You don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that feels false. Choosing what aligns with your spirit is not a sin.
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Set gentle boundaries. If family asks, you can say, “I’m on a personal spiritual journey right now. I still believe, but I’m exploring differently.” You don’t need to justify every step.
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Find community in other ways. Being a free thinker doesn’t mean being alone. Whether it’s through books, podcasts, discussion groups, or meditation spaces – you can still find spiritual connection.
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Allow space for change. You’re not locking the door forever. You’re simply walking a different path – and paths can twist, circle, and rejoin. That’s the beauty of being spiritually awake.
Finally, remember this: Faith is not proven by attendance. It’s lived in kindness, in compassion, and in being true to your inner compass.
So go ahead. Question. Explore. Think. Believe. And do it freely.
With warmth and respect,
Dorothy