Dear Dorothy.
I’m a 28-year-old lady, and I’ve been struggling with a problem that I find difficult to talk about. For the past few years, I’ve been addicted to pornography. At first, I didn’t think it was a big deal, but now it’s starting to affect my life. I find myself losing hours of my day, neglecting my work, and even pulling away from real relationships. The worst part is, I feel ashamed and stuck in a cycle I can’t break.
I’ve tried quitting, but the urges keep coming back. I don’t want to talk to my friends or family about it because I fear judgment. I don’t know what to do, but I can’t keep living like this. How do I break free from this addiction and get my life back on track?
Sincerely,
Diana
Dear Diana,
First, let me say that you are incredibly brave for reaching out. Many people battle with addictions in silence, so taking this step is a positive sign that you’re ready for change.
Pornography addiction is more common than most people realise, and like other addictions, it can have a powerful hold over your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. The shame and secrecy surrounding it often make things worse, creating a cycle of guilt and relapse. But know this: you can break free, and there’s hope for recovery.
Here are some steps to help you begin your journey toward healing:
- Recognise it’s an addiction, not a moral failing
Understand that addiction thrives on guilt and shame. These feelings might make you isolate yourself further, but remember, this is not about being a bad person—this is about your brain seeking out a coping mechanism. Be kind to yourself as you begin this process. - Find a support system
While it’s daunting to share something so personal, connecting with others is key. If you’re uncomfortable talking to family or friends, consider seeking out a counsellor or therapist, especially one with experience in sexual addiction. - Set boundaries and eliminate triggers
Just as you wouldn’t keep alcohol in the house if you were trying to quit drinking, it’s essential to limit your access to pornography. This might mean installing blocking software on your devices, changing your online habits, or reducing idle screen time altogether. - Explore what lies beneath
Often, addiction is a response to deeper emotional issues—stress, loneliness, boredom, or even trauma. Understanding why you turn to pornography can help you address the root cause. Journaling, meditation, and therapy can all be useful in this process of self-discovery. - Take small, consistent steps
Breaking free from addiction is a journey, not an overnight fix. Celebrate small victories and forgive yourself when you stumble. The key is consistency. Develop new habits—exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones—that fill the space pornography once occupied. - Stay patient with yourself
Recovery is rarely a straight line. It’s okay to struggle, and it’s okay to fall down as long as you keep getting back up. Over time, the urges will lessen, and you’ll regain control over your choices.
Lastly, I encourage you to seek professional help. Talking to someone trained in addiction can make a significant difference and provide you with tailored strategies for healing.
You are not alone, and this struggle doesn’t define you. Keep pushing forward—a healthier, happier life is waiting for you on the other side.
With care,
Dorothy