Dear Dorothy,
I have a good relationship with my daughter. She is 23 years old and engaged to be married. The problem is that for some time now, she has appeared depressed and upset. On inquiry, she confided in me that she recently caught her fiancé cheating on her, and she is devastated. She is feeling so hurt and betrayed, and has decided to end the relationship. How can I help her get over this reality check she got about love and loving?
My dear,
The truth is that as parents, we never want to see our children suffer, particularly at the hands of a cheating husband or boyfriend. When you are young, especially in your teens and early twenties, everything that goes wrong seems like it is the end of the world, so expect a bit of an overreaction from your daughter. As much as we want to fix everything for our children, healing a broken heart is a task that can be hard to accomplish. However, there are a few ways that you can help your daughter overcome the hurt without being too intrusive.
• Be a source of comfort, a shoulder for her to cry on. Also, have an ear ready to listen. Your daughter may or may not want to open up to you about her feelings and experiences right away, but be ready when she is. It is also important to never underestimate the power of a simple hug. Just a hug from mom or dad can help to improve so much. When she does come to you, it is also important to let her know that this is not the end of the world, and that she will definitely get over it with time and move on.
• Give your daughter space and time. What is important to remember is that when one is young, relationships are taken too seriously. Since they were engaged, do not expect her to get over him overnight. Your daughter will cope at her own pace. She may just need to be alone for a while to process her thoughts and feelings.
• Let your daughter know you understand. Validation is important for many who experience cheating or the end of a relationship. Letting your daughter know that she isn’t the first or the last to experience this ordeal, and that you understand what she is going through, and how much it does hurt is important for her to hear. Remind your daughter that although you understand her hurt and pain, you also know that the pain will diminish overtime.
• Avoid making comparisons. Though you may have experienced the same problem and emotions as your daughter, it is important not to compare her situation to yours. Your daughter’s situation should be treated with uniqueness. Plus, a comparison may make your daughter feel as if you are trying to diminish her pain, or draw attention away from her needs.
• Don’t let her shut down completely. As stated, it is important to give her the space and time that she needs to cope with a cheating fiancé or the end of her relationship, but it is also important to not allow her shut out the whole world. She may want to avoid going about her normal business, or ignore her friends. Do not allow your daughter’s fear or embarrassment have a negative impact on her life. Instead, encourage her to spend time with her friends, especially those who love and support her and will provide encouragement regardless of the situation.
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