Dear Dorothy,
I recently overheard my 13-year-old daughter confiding in her best friend that there’s a guy she likes: he’s 18 and she’s liked him ever since she can remember. The young man in question is her brother’s best friend. She thinks the sun shines from where he is; and he is friendly, funny, kind and good looking. It also turns out that the young man she is pinning over has a girlfriend.
Now Dorothy, my daughter does not know I overheard her conversation with her friend. I am worried because at 13, she should be more focused on her studies and future career instead of seeking a relationship with a man five years older than her. How do I get her to understand that dating is okay, but for now, she should concentrate on her studies, and have relationships with boys of her own age that is strictly platonic.
My Dear,
The age gap is a little big at the moment. However, five to six years down the line it won’t seem like it, as she would be 18 or 19 and he would 23 or 24. Your right to be concerned, a 13-year-old girl is too young for an 18-year-old young man. You are right that she should have platonic relationships with boys her own age. My advice is that you find a way to chat to your daughter about dating and relationships. The problem with us mothers is that, often times we find this a difficult subject to broach. However, it is very important for the sake of our children to start early to discuss matters of boyfriends and girlfriends, and even sexual relations, with them. This would make them feel at ease coming to us to discuss whatever dilemma they may find themselves facing in their relationships in future.