Dear Dorothy,
I just ended my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I am 24, while he is 26. The reason I had to put an end to our relationship is that he was always suspicious of me. He constantly thought I was having an affair behind his back, but I never cheated on him. I assured him time and again of my loyalty, but he never believed me. I sincerely think he is very insecure and unsure of himself. He is now threatening to harm himself if I don’t come back to him. What should I do?
My Dear,
It is a pity that you ended a two-year relationship in the manner you did. I suspect you still have some feelings for him.
It an unspoken understanding between monogamous couples that neither party will have sexual relationships with others. Having an affair violates that agreement and almost always injures the other person – it is a betrayal of that implicit trust. Lying or deceiving can also be hurtful and violates a spoken or unspoken rule that when people are in a loving relationship, they will be honest with one another. When we resort to lies, it is also a betrayal of trust. These betrayals, when not addressed, can create wounds and scars that limit intimacy in relationships.
I would advice you have a chat with your boyfriend. Find out why he is so suspicious; and convince him of your sincerity. But more importantly examine yourself and make sure you did not behave in a manner that lends credence to his suspicion. I hope you do not talk to him with an ‘I don’t care attitude”, try to be more understanding. I am sure he loves you, otherwise he would not be jealous. However, he should also seek counseling to boost his self-confidence. Threatening to harm himself is a form of emotional blackmail and should not be encouraged.