Dear Dorothy,
I was 21 when I married a man of 36. I had just graduated from University when we met and after a year of courtship, he proposed to me and I accepted. When I married him, he was very caring and loving towards me. In fact, he was protective and possessive. I put his possessiveness down to his love for me but over time, I have become quite uncomfortable with his possessiveness. It got to the point that he now wants to know everything I have been up to when I am not with him. I am a working mother with two children. The situation has gotten much worse since I turned 40 a few months ago. I don’t know if it is because he is now in his mid-fifties that he seems very insecure in our relationship. He said he read somewhere that women are at their sexiest in their forties and that he hopes I don’t have a roving eye for other men.
Honestly, Dorothy, I have never fancied another man since I married him and want a stable home for my children and myself. I have over the years managed to cope with his possessiveness; however, his recent attitude is driving a big wedge between us. How can I assure him that he is still the only man for me and that he has no reason to fear that I will stray?
Dorothy, his possessiveness and suspicion are driving me to distraction.
My Dear,
You have now been married for 19 years and counting. Since you have managed to deal with your husband’s nature over these years even though it must have been a source of irritation, as you have given him no cause to doubt your loyalty to him, I will advice that you have a one on one, heart to heart discussion with him with respect to his heightened possessiveness and suspicion.
Do your best to assure him that since you accepted to marry him to date, you have always been loyal to him and that nothing will change. Be honest and open to tell him that his possessiveness and suspicions are driving you up the wall and that you want him to mend his ways.
Your husband seems to be on the insecure side, so do your best to reassure him that he can trust you always. I think your frank discussion with him will prove fruitful and please tell him that you will always call him to order when you think he is getting out of line.
Good luck.