Dear Dorothy,
I have a serious temper problem. Whenever I get angry, I don’t just shout, I end up destroying things around me. I have broken plates, thrown my phone, slammed doors, and once even smashed a mug against the wall.
The anger usually passes quickly, but the damage remains. Afterwards, I feel embarrassed and regretful, especially when I think about the money wasted replacing things. My family says I need to control my temper, but in the moment, it feels impossible.
I’m worried that one day I might damage something important or hurt someone by accident. I don’t want to be known as someone who loses control.
How can I stop reacting like this?
— Asher
Dear Asher,
First, you must recognise the problem and want to change. Many people struggle with anger but never pause to reflect on the consequences of their behaviour. The fact that you are concerned is already a step in the right direction.
Destroying objects during moments of anger often happens because emotions become overwhelming and the body looks for a physical outlet. However, while it may provide momentary relief, it rarely solves the underlying issue. Instead, it creates regret, financial loss, and strained relationships.
Here are a few practical steps that may help you manage your temper better:
1. Learn to recognise the warning signs
Anger rarely appears out of nowhere. It often builds gradually. Pay attention to signals such as a racing heartbeat, clenched fists, shallow breathing, or the urge to shout. Once you recognise these signs, you can act before things escalate.
2. Step away from the situation
When you feel anger rising, physically remove yourself if possible. A short walk, a change of room, or even a few minutes alone can interrupt the cycle before it reaches the point of destruction.
3. Release the energy safely
Your body is full of adrenaline during anger. Rather than breaking objects, channel that energy into something safer — brisk walking, exercise, writing your feelings down, or even deep breathing.
4. Slow your response
Anger often pushes people to react instantly. Try introducing a small pause. Count to ten, drink water, or take a few slow breaths before responding to whatever upset you.
5. Address the root cause
Sometimes, destructive anger is not really about the immediate situation. It may stem from stress, unresolved frustration, or feeling unheard. Reflect on what tends to trigger these outbursts.
6. Seek support if needed
If the problem feels difficult to manage alone, speaking with a counsellor or therapist can be extremely helpful. Learning structured anger-management techniques can make a significant difference.
Finally, be patient with yourself. Changing emotional habits takes time. What matters is your willingness to practise new responses. Each moment you choose restraint over destruction is progress.
Your temper does not have to define you.
Warm regards,
Dorothy