Dear Dorothy,
I live with my partner and while we love each other deeply, I sometimes crave moments of solitude. It is not about avoiding them or our shared life, but about needing time to recharge. However, whenever I ask for space, my partner takes it as rejection. How can I communicate this without hurting their feelings?
— Stephanie
Dear Stephanie,
You are not alone in wanting moments to yourself. Many people thrive on quiet reflection and personal time, and this does not mean you love your partner any less. The challenge lies in framing solitude as self-care rather than separation.
Begin by explaining that your request is about you, not about them. Use gentle, reassuring language. You might say, “I sometimes need time to gather my thoughts and refocus. This helps me feel calmer and more present when we are together.” By linking your solitude to a better shared experience, you reduce the chance of it being misinterpreted.
It can also help to agree on a routine. Perhaps you have certain evenings for reading or walks alone, while keeping other times sacred for shared activities. That way, solitude becomes a healthy and expected part of your relationship rather than a sudden withdrawal.
Remember, partners do not need to be together every waking moment. Space can strengthen bonds, as long as it is balanced with warmth and connection.
Yours sincerely,
Dorothy