Dear Dorothy,
There’s a young man who works in the same establishment as myself and he’s funny and cute, but a little bit shy. We chat a bit nearly every time we come across each other at the staff restaurant. I’m pretty sure he’s unattached because he has not mentioned any girl during our conversations.
I think I am beginning to have romantic feelings for him, and would like to get to know him better. I am however concerned about one thing, a co-worker told me (confidentially) that she is aware this guy once had relations with a sugar mummy for several months, although the relationship has long since ended.
Hearing this gave me a shock. I’m concerned that the experience may have had a lasting effect on him. The relationship with the older woman may have been for sexual and pecuniary reasons, and I wonder how this experience will impact on any future relationship, and colour the way he relates to women. Would it make him more inclined to view women as sex providers and sources of funds, rather than as companions? Would he be more attracted to older women, rather than women closer to his own age?
My dear,
Many factors can lead a young man into a relationship with a much older woman. Perhaps it’s hard for you to guess how it’s affected him, but the fact is that all relationships do impact on us positively or negatively.
Yes, the relationship with an older woman may have affected him in one form or another, but if he has not embarked on such a relationship since the one in question ended, it could mean that the affair may have been a one off in his life and he has moved on. This relationship can then be put down to youthful mistakes like all of us are prone to when we are young.
I think you should just try to get to know him, not as a boyfriend but as a good friend. Friendships are the best building blocks of starting any relationship, and the sensible way to go about it. Maybe in time, he might tell you what happened and you can better judge for yourself what his attitudes are toward women.
As for his older women attraction, if he has shown any kind of interest in you, then it’s highly likely he likes girls close to his age as well. It could be he is trying hard to leave his involvement with an older woman in the past and move ahead.
For now, just focus on being a good friend to him, and getting to know him just for who he is.
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