Many people commit to relationships with the idea that they can change the other person later. This is never a good idea; it’s either you accept your choice of partner as they are or you do not because, in reality, no one can change another human being. Have this embedded in your mind before committing into a long-term relationship.
Working with the assumption that your intended partner isn’t going to change, ask yourself this: ‘Can I live with this person for the rest of my life?’ Because when it comes to marriage, it is unwise to venture into it believing you can change your partner. That is not going to happen. Change is motivated from a personal decision; a person must, first, have the desire to change.
It is futile to expect the other person to conform to your wishes and change their behaviour. It is far better to spend your energy and efforts figuring out how to compromise and accommodate each other’s shortcomings rather than insisting they change. You have to accept your partner as is, or do not go ahead with the marriage.
If the changes you desire from your partner are dire, it is best not to commit because when they fail to change, this can cause serious tensions in the relationship. Evaluate the things you want to be changed in your proposed spouse carefully and decide for yourself what you can and cannot live with.
- Is he or she fat but you want a buff or shapely partner? Why not look for someone with such quality.
- Do you want a large family but she or he wants just one child? Seek a partner who wants a large family like you.
- Is she averse to cooking and you expect her to do this once married? You may end up starving or eating out a lot.
- If he or she is scattered and you like a neat environment, look for someone as organised as you.
- Does he or she like to drink but you don’t? Get yourself someone who doesn’t drink too much.
It’s unanimously believed that the only constant thing in life is change. Nothing stays the same. Therefore, as we grow older we undergo changes. However, the changes we make to our character flaws happen because we personally decide to alter it and not because someone wanted us to change.