A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, “Mommy, I have to pee.” The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper.’” The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, “Daddy, I have to whisper.” The father looked at him and said, “Okay, why don’t you whisper in my ear.”
CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS
- People are funny; they want the front of the bus, middle of the road, and back of the church.
- Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on the front door forever.
- Quit griping about your church; If it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
- I don’t know why some people change churches; What difference does it make which one you stay home from?
THE SUNDAY JOKE
The cookies
An elderly man lay dying in his bed, suddenly death’s agony was pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself up from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.
There, spread out on the kitchen table were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies!
Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. The aged and withered hand very slowly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil?
He looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand.
“Stay out of those!” she said, “they’re for the funeral.”