A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
Pastor said, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!”
My friend said, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.”
Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?”
He whispered back, “I’m in the Secret Service.”
BRAINWASH
A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service.
During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five-year-old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant’s head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked, “Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?”
GOLF COURSE
A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.
“I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I’ll have a basketball team!” said the Catholic.
“That’s nothing!” said the Baptist. ”I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I’ll have a football team!”
“You both should be ashamed of yourselves!” said the Mormon. ”I have seventeen wives. One more and I’ll have a golf course!”
FULL OF COMPLAINTS
A man joined the priesthood. The order he joined could not speak for 7 years. Then they could only say 2 words. The first 7 years passed and they went into a small room. His 2 words were “too cold”. The next 7 years passed and they took him back into the small room and his 2 words were “bad food”.
The next 7 years passed and they took him back into the small room and his 2 words were “I quit”. Good they said, “all you have done is complain.”
THE SUNDAY JOKE
LONG DISTANCE MARRIAGE.
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband’s marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”
Giuseppe proudly replied, ” I gonna go pick her up.”