Just like Okonkwo in Things Fall Apart, in the olden days, the measure of success and patriarchy depends on the largeness of compound, farm produce, number of wives, and most importantly the strength of your libido. How many children can your penis make? You hear short stories of how your ancestors had demonstrated their virility, and had increased the family number by the power of four. One wife, sex raised to power one; four wives, sex raised to power four! You are told that your grandpa married four wives and each of them had at least produced six children each. You are very amazed at this; and well, considering this repute of baby factory you don’t want to forget the large family tree.
One of the highest family pressures is marriage. You have a mother who sees you as a hunch in the family and constantly reminds you of your age and the fact that you’re a female. Of course, she niggles, ‘When are you bringing your man, Kate?’ Your eyes raise storm; you want to tell your mother, there is nothing like that. She looks at you as a proud peacock parading her beauty instead of making a profit out of life. What does she consider life profit? Children. Simple. You don’t have time for that now. You can’t be unruly to your mother. She does not understand your inner urge; she does not want you to become Methuselah before getting married. She does not want you to become her shame. You want to make her understand that you can’t stand living your life following directory of rules from any man. You can’t stand a man whose family considers having a male child a priority; you can’t stand the dementia of non-understanding of simple biology logic! The last time you are home, your mother has tried her hand in hooking you up with a man who she considers responsible; because he has a car, lives in Lekki, and has some kind of oil business connection. It is the real deal Kate, marry him and give birth to a staggering number of children. You know you’re the only child in my hands. Don’t you feel for sex? She keeps bamboozling you with her fusillade of questions. Obviously she is not aware of your vibrator which does it better than most men. What more can you say? She won’t just understand. You don’t want to suck any man’s dick because of money. You have a good job. You want a husband who will understand you, when you say you are giving birth to just two children. Now, you won’t want to tell your mother that, or else you receive a parental curse.
Your father, in leaving a family hegemony, he has sixteen children. You are number ten from the third wife, who also doubles as your mother. Of course, despite the humbleness of the family, your father still went on and took the fourth wife who is of the same age as you. At the age of 70! He has warned you already of being too busy with wealth gathering. He calls you, an overschooled bigot who does not want to make the family proud. He pelted back your money at you last time you went back to the village to celebrate Christmas. Go and make me grandchildren, you shame! Your mate has fathered more than five in the village. You just keep coming from the city with those spindly legs who won’t born you a baby. Don’t come here with a woman who can’t produce a son. You are scared to tell him that when you won your scholarship to school at Liverpool in England, your landlord is of same age as him, and he has never considered baby-making an exciting adventure. He has no child. You can’t bring European nonsense to Africa of course!
Making babies involves many things, it does not only come with race, culture, age, money, sex, and importantly the fact that my mates are getting married. It involves bearing the big brunt of fatherhood; becoming not a bad father for your child who takes cues from you, treating the female child the same way as the male. Agreeing on the economy of the family before starting the count of number of kids you would have. Considering your schedule and career. Playing up all parts of mentor. Yes, your penis can produce a whole village population but that does not make you responsible in this age with springing challenges. Bros control your agro!
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