My Dear,
What a cad of a husband! Pardon my expression. I know he’s the love of your life but I could use more vulgar words to describe him. You shouldn’t pity yourself or be an emotional wreck; say good riddance to bad rubbish and take the right steps to regain your dignity, self-respect and your life.
At 50, you are young enough to get out there, discover what you’ve been missing and start enjoying life.
It is up to you to find the courage to move on. I understand that the fear of the unknown, and being single again for the first time in 30 years may make you hold back, but if you don’t end this relationship now, he’ll carry on with his cheating ways, while you continually wallow in misery.
Let good reason prevail; it is better to be alone and lonely than to be in a situation that does not augur well for your mental and emotional health. The trouble is, you don’t realise that there are decent men out there because you’ve been with him almost all your life.
Give yourself a chance to meet a good man by breaking up with your sadistic husband.