By Dorothy C. Anyiam-Osigwe
Affection could be based on admiration, benevolence, common interest, or just a warm attachment. Love, which I mean the passionate expressions we often consider the essential ingredient for any relationship, may not really be all that is necessary for a relationship to work. Difficult as it is to explain, my answer to this question is YES.
You could find yourself living with someone (for various reasons) and over a period, you start finding that person interesting to live with. You could be happy with the status quo, and this has nothing to do with love. Rather, it will be a case of being ‘comfortable’ with the way things are. If Cupid’s arrow happens to come your way, fine. If not, it is still okay. You see, happiness is an innate thing. You are either happy or you are not happy. Sometimes, love itself can make you unhappy, particularly if the other party is hurting your feelings or breaking your heart.
“I don’t love him/her anymore”. “We fell out of love”. “Love flew out the window”. “I can’t believe I ever loved that person”. What these statements reveal is that a successful and happy relationship is what you make of it, and love is not everything it is made out to be. It takes you a long way ahead, but it needs help crossing the finish line.
If you meet someone you feel you can live with, your attitude and response will be a determining factor as to whether you will be surprised at the way your partner will react. Your positive actions, words of encouragement, supporting presence; total regard for your partner’s well being, understanding of their moods, all these and more will lead you to develop a very happy and harmonious relationship. With time, you will find that being apart from each other leaves you both lost.
Then, you can safely say you have moved beyond a peripheral happiness, to a deep-rooted happiness in each other’s company – you can now say you are in love. The amazing part of this is that this may not occur until several years of living together.
If you still do not feel that it is love, then, your relationship can be described as a HABIT. What is important is that both of you have at least found HAPPINESS.
Committing to loving the other, as we want to be loved can help one’s bid for happiness in a relationship. You extend yourself, your self-love to your mate, and with that bring genuine happiness into your home/relationship.
I would therefore say, that in a circumstance you find yourself living with someone you don’t ‘love’, and if there is no maltreatment, there is a possibility of happiness. Love is there, of course. But so is care and kindness and empathy. Those little things we miss being in everyday life – these make relationships work, transforming mere habituation into a home where the heart is.
Chief (Mrs.) Dorothy C. Anyiam-Osigwe OON is an Agony Columnist, Writer and Company Executive.
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