Atypical Discourse with Bimbola: Make More Money, Not Babies

Once, I questioned my dad’s reason to have six kids. I made a breakfast demand for a particular meal; bread and egg, only for him to chuckle and say “some meals are not meant for large families”. “Oh! So why did you not have a small family of 3 children?”, he answered “if there were 3 of you, you wouldn’t be part of the 3”. “That’s no problem, I would be part of another 3 elsewhere and maybe bread and egg won’t be scarce”.

He smiled wearily and blurted “let’s see how you end up also”.

I’m the fourth child in a family of six children and judging from dad’s friends and acquaintances, our family is a relatively average family. This is because some have 6 like him some 8, 10 and even 12.

The African tradition encourages a large family, history says that Africans then had large families because they were useful on the farm – cheap labour logic. If in this age, you do not need that kind of labour, dump the large family idea.

It’s saner to keep the family number below five and that include dad and mom. If not, dinner would always be Garri, Rice or Beans. Vacation would only be at Grandma’s place and Uncle Sunmola next town. Pizza would only be a fantasy and ice-cream on birthdays. Especially if the bread winner is a civil-servant or low income earner (and aren’t most of them in that strata)

Life deals deadly blows at times and hit the breadwinner. Then the weaker half in the pocket-place is left with 6 children. The wailing and tears are not necessarily about the love; it’s about the looming chaos. Have you noticed the small families pull through difficult times with less drama?

That fallacy about ‘many children brings you joy’ pushes a snap button in me. Many children truthfully takes your own life away- you simply become Mama Tolu and forget who you are. You live for them if you are not careful. Then, they’ll say when you are old, you’ll reap the fruits of your labour because if you marry at 30 and have 5 or 6 kids, chances are you would pay tuition fees till you are approaching 60. When would you reap that please?

Children would never be responsible for the parents happiness, each man is responsible for his own happiness and actions. Make yourself happy, live the kind of life you have always dreamed of, let nothing hold you back and many children hold one back. While your sister, kind neighbour or mama can offer to watch over 2 kids while you dash out in pursuit of a dream, it’s harder to watch over 5.

Do you have energy? Do you want to reap the fruit of your labour? Do you want joy and happiness? Do you want tiny arms around your neck with happy faces and wet sloppy kisses? Then, make more money not more babies and lead a grand life with the small family.