By Michael Anyiam-Osigwe
There are specific days for declarations of love: weddings, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day. These sharpen our focus on that phenomenon we refer to as love, especially as it bears on the relationship between man and woman. Sentimental letters or greeting cards, flowers, chocolates, rings, and so on.
These declarations are no substitute for the phenomenon of love itself, described as a powerful emotion felt for another person, manifesting itself in deep affection, devotion or sexual desire.
The Apostle Paul in his epistle to the Corinthians in the Bible has this to say about love: “Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful, is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right, love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things, Love never ends. (1Corinthians 13:4).
But in reality and practice, we all know that these biblical parameters for love where they exist at all only remain as vanishing vestiges of an idea eroded by the reality of survival. But we are not here concerned with a moral debate on the proper or ideal parameters for love between the opposite sexes. We are concerned with the bottom line of the present day situation that love feeds on success. Plainly articulated: “no money, no friend”, “money for hand…”
If we submit that in the present day world, even in matters of the heart, money talks; and that the political instability in our country has adversely affected the socio-economic standing of the average Nigerian, the question that therefore arises is: how are Nigerians loving in an unstable polity with its concomitant socio-economic deprivation? Has love between the opposite sexes, degenerated to”luxury merchandise”, an article that is only affordable by the rich and powerful?” Whilst I do not subscribe to a cynical disposition to love, I am nonetheless of the persuasion that economic factors and considerations have had profound impact and influence on love. Even in the case of existing marriage unions that were borne out of genuine love of the sort that parades missionary credentials, socio-economic factors have drastically altered the terms of endearment between partners that are supposedly in love.
So who’s to blame? Accusing fingers readily point at the privileged few, the rich and politically powerful whose licentious extravagance is not only an outrage on the poor but also set unattainable standards and prerequisites for “love”. Take the Valentine’s Day rituals for instance. What percentage of men in the lower income group in today’s Nigeria can actually afford to send a decent Valentine card or bouquet of roses to the love of their life? But standard practice among the “haves” include cards, roses, chocolates, cakes, perfumes etc. all of which do not preclude a treat at a highbrow restaurant or a special evening outfit for the outing on the day in question; and which will most probably be part of the Valentine’s day package. Indeed, there is no gainsaying that the average Nigerian, with his dwindling economic fortunes, has been reduced to the status of a mere spectator in Nigeria’s love league. The political instability that has bedeviled Nigeria since the 1960s has been a major bane on the socio-economic circumstance of the average Nigerian, which in turn has exerted a negative impact on the love life of the citizenry.
In the midst of our dire environment, it would appear that a sizeable number of us are in such a hurry to succeed and involved in such desperate enterprises; however, I would counter that a silver lining still runs through the fabric of our society. Notwithstanding the fact that the socio-economic and political plights have taken a severe toll on their love psyche, Nigerians still believe in the existence of genuine love. And given a favorable socio-economic environment, as engendered and sustained by a stable democracy, the majority of Nigerians will opt for a way of life, which neither exhausts the mind nor injures the body.
So, how do we love in an unstable polity? According to an Indian, Brahmah, the human body is just like a chariot wherein soul is the rider, mind is the driver, intellect is the reins, and senses are the powerful steeds running amuck in the mine of sensuous gratification. It is for this reason that a retrace of attitude is necessary – the senses are to be disciplined, intellect stilled and the mind controlled so that the inner experience of the soul can be had. In essence, the excesses of others should not sway us. Each individual needs to dance to his or her own tunes on the stage of mundane life. If cards, roses, chocolates, and cakes are beyond reach, we can always afford genuinely articulate: ‘I love you’ in our ways of being; and caring for our significant other.