It might seem strange, but having disagreements at work can actually be a good thing. If everyone always agrees and there are no differences of opinion, the workplace can become boring and uninspiring. Conflict, when handled properly and without anger, is a sign of a healthy and active environment.
The hardest part about disagreements at work is preventing them from becoming personal. It’s normal to have arguments about work methods or rules, but it’s also common for clashes to happen because people just don’t get along as individuals, not just because they disagree about work stuff.
Other, more critical, personal clashes crop up all too frequently when people work closely together. Maybe a fellow worker has taken the credit for something that was your idea – this is not uncommon in a competitive work environment. Or perhaps another team member isn’t pulling their weight or is simply not taking the task on which you are both engaged as seriously as you think they should.
- Dealing with Personal Conflict
We’ve probably all been annoyed by our coworkers’ actions at some point. You know what I mean – maybe you share an office with someone who quietly hums, chews snacks loudly at their desk, or keeps talking about the upcoming long weekend when you’re trying to focus on your work.
It’s easy to silently get more and more upset until you suddenly get really angry. But remember, the person doing these things might not even realize they’re bothering you. So, if you confront them all of a sudden, it could make things worse. Instead, just having a quiet conversation away from others can help. You could say something like, “I’m sorry to bring this up, but you might not know that…” Hopefully, they’ll feel a little embarrassed and say sorry, or at least change what they’re doing when you’re around.
Sometimes, bigger disagreements happen when people work closely together. Maybe someone you work with took credit for your idea – this happens sometimes when people want to do well at work. Or maybe another person on your team isn’t doing their fair share of the work, or they don’t seem to care about the task as much as you do.
In these situations, it’s really important to stay calm. Tell them how you feel in a quiet way, preferably when neither of you is at your desk and no one else can hear you. Also, don’t assume that the other person will get mad if you talk to them about it. If you start the conversation thinking they’ll be angry, you might come across as defensive, which could actually make them react in a way you don’t want.
- If You Don’t Understand – Ask!
Humans have many wonderful qualities, but one thing we can’t do is read each other’s minds. Sometimes we don’t even know what we’re feeling ourselves, let alone what the person sitting a couple of desks away who’s chewing gum so loudly is thinking. There will be times when a coworker says or does something that confuses us. They might have a different opinion or do things in a way that’s different from what we’d do. Or maybe the boss asks us to do something without explaining why.
When we don’t get why something’s happening, it’s easy to start feeling upset. So, don’t hesitate to ask questions. You don’t have to say, “Why?” so directly, especially to the boss! There are many polite ways to ask for more information. Your boss will likely be glad that you want to understand how the task you’re working on helps the department or the company.
When it comes to coworkers, the most important thing when you don’t get why they did or said something is to simply ask about their reasons, and then listen to what they say. Often, there’s a good reason why they acted the way they did, even if you don’t agree. The key is to try to understand their side of things – and let them know you’re making an effort to understand. If you can say something like, “I see why you think that way. This is how I see it…” they might be more willing to listen to your thoughts later on. It’s more important to be okay with not always agreeing than for everyone to think and act exactly alike.
- Discuss, Debate, Decide
When you’re part of a big team or a group at work, there will always be different opinions on how to do certain tasks or approach new projects. In this situation, it’s not okay to just agree to disagree.
The most important thing here is to let everyone share their thoughts about how to do the task. Do this together as a group so everyone can hear what their coworkers think will work and why they think so.
There’s usually no one right or wrong way to do things – the best solution often comes from combining different ideas, approaches, and methods. Remember that when people put their ideas together, they usually find the best answer.
Even if we start by thinking our own ideas are the best, we might learn new things from other points of view. So, listening to others can help us see things in a new way. It’s a great skill to be able to admit that maybe we’re not right and someone else’s idea is just as good or maybe even better. This skill can also help us get along better with others.
- Conflict between Employee and Employer
There are many problems that you can’t fix just by talking quietly with your coworkers. Sometimes, there are long-standing issues with colleagues that you can’t solve on your own. For example, figuring out how to share responsibilities in a team. There are also other issues like promotions, pay, feeling like your achievements aren’t recognized, and even things about the workplace environment, such as noise, personal space, and how clean the office is.
Lots of employees feel uncomfortable talking to their boss about these kinds of problems. It’s even harder if the problem involves another coworker or coworkers. People worry they might seem like they’re complaining too much or causing trouble. But if problems aren’t dealt with, they can get worse over time. So, it’s important to address and fix the problem as soon as possible. If you don’t, it can affect everything at work, from how the office feels to how well you can concentrate.
Sometimes, a boss or manager can tell when something’s wrong, especially in a small office. As Rita Friedman, a career coach in Philadelphia, explains: “A boss might feel left out if they don’t know what’s going on – no one wants to be the last to know. And if it’s something that’s affecting work, the boss should know about it.”
- How about when the boss is the problem
However, if there’s a conflict because of something your boss said or did, you have a different challenge. You still need to talk about it, though. Many times, your boss might not even know there’s a problem and could work with you to solve it. Sometimes, just explaining why they said or did what they did is enough.
On the other hand, talking directly to the person who caused the problem might make things worse. But if you’re unhappy, you can’t just ignore it. So, you need to prepare well. Remember, they’re probably dealing with a lot already. Bringing up another problem might not go over well, so it’s a good idea to think of solutions before you talk to them.
The right timing is really important. If your boss is having a tough time or dealing with other things (or even just running late), talking to them might not be a good idea. But if they’re in a good mood – like after a nice weekend or a good lunch – they might be more open to calmly discussing things.
- Be professional always
You’re more likely to get a good result if you act professionally. So, when you think it’s a good time, schedule a time to sit down and talk with your boss. If you try to talk when they’re busy with meetings or other things, they might not pay enough attention to your concern. Having a calm, business-like talk also lowers the chance of bringing up the issue when you’re feeling upset – talking about a problem when you’re emotional isn’t a good idea.
Also, remember that your own attitude or actions might have caused the problem. It’s hard to see ourselves the way others do.
- Tackle the problem, not the person
The most important thing to remember in any argument is that it’s the problem causing the disagreement, not the other person. So, don’t take it personally, just like you wouldn’t want someone to judge you based only on one mistake or one thing you did.
Lynn Taylor, another expert on workplaces who wrote the book “Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant,” says that conflicts at work are common, like chatting by the water cooler. Handling them well can really help your career, more than any other social skill.
Also, remember that when there’s a conflict, it’s very unlikely that only one person is completely to blame. So, be ready to look at your own attitudes and actions and see if you can find a middle ground with the other person. It’s not always easy to give in or see things from someone else’s view, but if you try to listen to their ideas, you’ll realize it’s better to solve a problem than to just win.